I've posted before about my futureMIL and the issues with her hoarding, her dirty house and her somewhat 'me first' attutude. I'm getting to the stage where I just don't want to be around her, but I don't know if it's me or her or a bit of both. I have depression and last month ended up in A&E because I was suicidal and out of control. I've changed medication and feel more stable, but things are still rocky for me.
DP told me last night that MIL is coming to stay on Friday night. This is the 3rd Friday in 6 weeks and would have been 4 but for the fact I was so unwell. Combined with DP working shifts etc, I feel like I've barely had anytime with him recently. We've got stuck on a track of get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, housework, bed. On a weekend he is either working or MIL is around. Having her stay even affects our sex life as she's in the bedroom next door which means we can't shag on Friday nights or have a long Saturday lie in and shag.
MIL is a very messy person and when she is at our home, I never feel quite relaxed. She doesn't expect to be waited on hand and foot, but it does create work (laundry, extra shopping, washing up, meal planning). MIL had a bunion op last month and since then has not been able to drive. However, she has also become very fetch me/carry me about everything. She spends most of her days with her feet up, reading or sleeping. This is actually not really any different from before she had the op. She can get around with crutches or heel walking, but chooses not to. She then tells us she feels trapped in her house, so DP goes to resuce her and bring her to ours (as her place is so filthy he won't stay there). DP and I seem to spend a lot of our time talking about what MIL needs, about what we can do to help MIL or sorting things out for MIL. MIL is depressed but won't take anti-depressants and sees a rather ineffective counsellor.
She is 62 and seems to be de-skilling herself or at least expecting DP, DP's sister and me to do the things she can't/can't be bothered with. SIL lives in London and although she came up recently to look after MIL, she has now gone back to London with no intention of returning anytime soon as MIL took the piss so much, frankly I don't blame SIL. I've seen how MIL ran her ragged. MIL's husband died last year and MIL took advantage of SIL greatly (leaving her huge lists of tasks each day, not doing anything herself) SIL became incredibly depressed and then MIL told her that her (SILs) grief wasn't as important as MIL's. MIL seems to believe her needs are always paramount, what she wants is the most important thing and that it is unfair if she doesn't get her way. I have witnessed her stamping her foot like a toddler when she doesn't get her way. She has never offered DP and I any sort of practical help; when DP had an operation and I had to work, she moaned about having to go to the hospital to get him.
I find it increasingly hard to be around her. I suspect part (probably a lot) of it is my issues. Despite being in chronic pain and disabled, my mum is very independent, very supportive of me emotionally and practically and is generally a very practical, problem solving sort of woman. She's also been on her own since my dad left in 1987. I know in my head I compare MIL to my mum and can't reconcile how they can be such polar opposites. I also dread MIL ending up living with us and that she plays so helpless.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. I am so frustrated that the thought of MIL being in our house again on Friday makes me feel tearful. I want to like her, I used to like her, but right now, I just don't and I dread seeing her as it's such hard work. What do I do? It's actually making me worry for the future, DP and I are engaged, but it feels like our relationship is having a third person forced into it.
Sorry, this is really long and confused. I'm just so fed up and frustrated.