Hi, I hope I've posted in the right section. Just looking for advice from others who have experience here....
DH and I have a fantastic relationship with FIL. We lost MIL in March very quickly after a cancer diagnosis. It hit us all very hard.
They had only 12 months of retirement and plans for the future so very cruel.
FIL worked away for much of his career and over the past 5 years had a housekeeper in Azerbaijan. When he retired he got her a job in the office of a company he worked with. They kept in touch via email.
FIL has always mentioned her. It's been no secret he relied on her a lot and he had a heart attack scare whilst out there and she called the ambulance / got all his stuff together whilst he was being airlifted back to uk. He believes she saved his life that day.
Over the past few months FIL has talked about going back to work. He's an active 64 year old and doesn't want to rattle around at home alone. He lives 250 miles away from me and DH but uses us as a base when he travels on business / visits regularly so it's not a barrier.
BIL and SIL live 10 miles from FIL. They have him round for tea once a week / he cooks Sunday dinner.
He also visits his sister once a week and has good neighbourly relations.
He has spoken of the HK a few times and said how close they had become. He made it very clear not in a sexual way.
His business associate is trying to get her a visa to come to work in the uk. Out of the office where FIL will be based (although huge element of travelling).
He has spoken to me about her as I think he is testing the water for a reaction. He said he'd made it clear to her when MIL was here that he was married, so I assume an opportunity presented itself to need to make this clear.
He said she wants to better her lot and grow and learn and if he can help her in any way he wants to do so. She said she wants marriage and kids to which he said he's got his children so there's obviously been discussion that this relationship could go further.
We've always been able to talk / joke about sex with PIL so he's made it clear that he doesn't see the friendship developing in this way.
DH is upset. Not too upset to feel the need to cause rifts but I need to support him here.
FIL is lonely and trying to see a path to happiness. We need to support him too.
BIL and SIL are oblivious to latest developments. They don't support FIL as much as we'd like but we have a different relationship with PIL/now FIL so we don't hold this against them.
She may not get a visa. This could all be worry over nothing but this is the kind of thing that blows families apart and I am not going to allow this to happen.
The unknown is her intentions. She might genuinely be looking to broaden horizons, have a career and FIL can be a 'father figure' to her. She may also be a gold digger preying on a vulnerable, lovely man.
Sorry this has been incredibly long. All advice is welcome.