I have posted this on special needs also but am looking for advice really on the relationship issues.
My DS had his 1st assessment on Fri for ADHD and oppositional disorder. He is 10. The appointment was as a result of school and myself and my GP arranging a referral to CAHMS. CAHMS have arranged the ADHD assessment.
His Dad my exh was also there. We have been divorced 7 years, but even though he is an arse, never paid any child support apart from one 6 month period, he has been involved in my kids life. I also have an older DS.
My DS has a very unpredictable relationship with me. He at turns hates me, is vicious, swears at me, will do the opposite of what I ask him, throws tantrums, loves me, wants to be babyish. I do everything for him. School, homework, sports, music lessons etc etc etc. I have supported him and my other DS financially, kept a roof over their heads, kept them fed, given them a pretty good and stable life.
It became apparent during the assessment that my DS behaviour is "perfect" when he is with his Dad, never any problems, never answers back, does fight with his brother, but doesn't swear, doesn't act impulsively. He stays with his Dad every other weekend.
It's terrible (attention seeking and impulsive and oppositional) everywhere else. With me at school with other family members at his sports club.
My Ex H said its because at his house there are consequences. He then said my mode of punishment - removal of x box for a week at a time was excessive.
I asked him what consequences he used and this is what he said:
When DC failed to move his cup and plate after eating he told him next time he did it he would be made to eat off the floor.
He actually followed through with this and made my DC eat off the floor!
I'm stunned! He said this quite openly in front of DC and Peadiatrician! Neither my Ex or my DC felt there was anything wrong with that. (if I ask him to tidy his room I'm the bitch from hell)
I'm stunned and shocked. What the hell do I do about that!???? I'm not overreacting am I?
What is going on?