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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So scared and lonely. Tips on how to get over someone please?

4 replies

Pobbage · 14/08/2012 06:52

I can't go into too much detail in case I get outed, but my life has just completely changed over the last weekend.

Basically DP repeated a certain type of selfish behaviour that he has previously exhibited and after worrying about him all day (while, in all likelihood, pregnant) I told him that if he carried on this behaviour we would have to call it a day. I know that I should not have issued an ultimatum if I didn't want him to carry it through, but I was unbelievably hurt and pissed off and I was quite shocked when he just said "OK, fair enough".

He then twisted the behaviour so that it was my fault for having "dumped" him, and has since been ignoring me ever since. I went to my mother's, not something I would normally do but the atmosphere in the flat was unbearable.

Last night he sent a message asking if he could call me later. I said yes of course. I also told him that it is very likely that I am pregnant as I got a weak positive blood at the docs yesterday but I am also spotting and so have been advised to stay in bed and try and be calm as it's very early days. He just ignored it and didn't call as promised, as well as ignoring my calls, at least one of those times he was on the phone to someone else as call waiting came up.

I think I will be going it alone now, since I have given him so many times to redeem himself, I can't believe how arrogant and cold he is being, he can't even be bothered to respond to such an important message knowing how stressed and upset I am. But I keep replaying all the good times in my head and I just find it unbelievable that after all the plans we made and things we talked about it has come to this.

I could only sleep last night because I took some of those Sleepeaze pills (which apparently are ok if you are preg). I'm now worried that this may cause me to lose the baby as I have even more spotting (not when I am lying down but I can see it when I wipe).

Really don't know where to go from here.

OP posts:
Pobbage · 14/08/2012 09:28

Anyone? :(

OP posts:
Beckamaw · 14/08/2012 10:01
Sad Well, that sounds like a bloody awful situation. Can I ask how old your DP is? His behaviour sounds incredibly childish.

I don't think I need to know what the particular behaviour was; you asked him to stop and he refused.

You say that you are pregnant and are spotting. Can I ask if you were actively TTC and whether he was keen to have a baby?

Either way, you don't need the stress of this childish prick at the moment. The best advice that I can give is to stop contacting him.
I know this isn't easy, but once you completely disengage he will probably return. At present he knows he holds all the cards. When he does make contact it will probably be unpleasant dirge to provoke a response. Ignore, ignore!!

One thing I would advise is to read the Chutney threads. Lou is in a similar position to you and she has handled herself beautifully and with dignity. Her ex is a chutney fuelled arse of the highest order.

DoingItForMyself · 14/08/2012 10:02

Sorry to hear what you're going through. Not sure I can offer any wisdom, other than to say, make sure that whatever decisions you make are what YOU really want to happen and don't rely on him to support you in any of this as he has shown that he is incapable.

There seem to be a few mixed messages about whether it is really over for you. He doesn't appear to be committed to you and having a baby with someone like this won't make things any better, most likely any unacceptable behaviour will increase once there is a baby on the scene.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

Pobbage · 14/08/2012 10:14

Yes, actively trying. Whatever happens I will be going through with it, I now know that he is completely unreliable.

I am not completely sure if I am pregnant yet, having had a shaky history in this area, but the spotting is still going on. I am simply amazed that he does not even care.

He is more than old enough to know better, this behaviour I would expect of someone 30 years younger, that is all I will say as he knows I use MN and I don't want to out myself completely.

I don't think I will solve anything by contacting him any more. I wonder if he will ever get back to me or if he will just ostrich it and bury his head in the sand.

His father did this to his mother and he has always said how he didn't find it acceptable so I can't believe he's doing it himself.

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