What do you do when......

[tangerinecath]

.... you and your dh/dp totally disagree about something and compromise is going to be difficult?
I want to apply for a p/t evening job that I've seen advertised, so that I can give up my f/t day job and look after dd (20 months, currently in nursery full time at great cost).
Mentioned it to dh at lunchtime and by the stony silence the idea received, I just KNOW he doesn't like the thought of it and I can see an argument coming...
We have argued about it before and don't seem to be able to reach any middle ground. I've tried telling him how much I miss dd when I'm at work and how I'd love to work p/t so I could see more of her.

This job sounds perfect, it's outside his normal working hours so no child care costs, meaning I could afford to work p/t which I cant atm. We would still have every weekend together. The only way it would put him out would be that he would have to take over the bed time routine. Don't know what his problem is, and he won't tell me.

Help!

Can't help you unfortunately but just wanted to say I can't see what the problem is either

Sounds like the perfect solution all round to me

I'd be very interested to hear what his problem is if he ever does tell you

Maybe he is concerned about the following

1. the p/t job isn't as secure as f/t one
2. benefits such as pension, healthcare are not as good 3)he is worried about you traveliing at night
3. he is worried you won't be happy in your new role
4. he is worried that looking after DD f/t won't suit you

why don't U sit down together and do a swot analyis of both jobs. ie Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.

Hope it works out.

Lasvegas, thanks, you've given me some food for thought there.

The job will be no less secure than my current job. It's with the NHS and I'm aware of the Agenda for Change but I know that they wouldn't advertise externally if they didn't have to.

The benefits will be better in the new job but obv. won't be paying as much into a pension as I'd be earning much less

Travelling at night - hadn't thought of that, fair comment, although I'd be fine as I drive and its only 10 mins away. The job is based at our local hospital which is busy 24/7.

I'm not happy in this role!! Although the new one would be a step down and there's a chance I'd find it boring.

He knows that looking after dd f/t would suit me, I'd love to be a SAHM but we can't afford it, the fact that I leave her for so long every day has lead to me being treated for depression so this could help there. I think he's more concerned that looking after dd on his own 5 evenings a week won't suit him. That's fair enough I suppose, but I feel like I'm starting to live my life only to suit him as I'm the only one willing to compromise.

NAAM - when I find out I'll let you know

Perhaps he is worried that he will have to look after your dd...

Oh sorry you've figured that one out already

ohh you cynical people - perhaps he'll miss you in the evenings? You'll be ships that pass in the night if you work evenings and he works days.

tangerine - maybe you should apply for it. You may not be offered job so whole discssion with DH is moot point. Don't lie to him though tell him u have applied and IF you are offered it you will both consider whether to accept it.

I know what U mean about being separated from your DD. My DD is 3.3 and the first thing she says when I wake her is Am I going to nursery Today, and if yes then I get I don't want to go to nursery. It is hard and if I had your choice I would find it hard to turn down the chance to be with DD.

maybe he's worried he won't as good at looking after DD as you are... does he usually put her to bed? give her a bath? change nappies? feed her? or maybe he's worried that he won't be able to have a glass of wine whilst on duty
Or maybe eefs right.... he's going to miss you... ahhhhhhh

I was just going to suggest the same as eefs - perhaps he doesn't like the idea of lonely evenings after dd is in bed.