How to be single and love it...?

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

This weekend, I perpetuated the same pattern for the third time in a relationship, where I ended it quick because I can't handle it not being a full blown relationship in 5 mins.

I'm clearly not ready for a relationship of any kind.

But I'm so scared of being alone! I haven't properly been alone since the major split with my partner of 10 years last July. The pain of saying goodbye to someone again is huge, and yet I know its not really the guy, its the promise of what could have been.

My social life is alright, but I can always make more friends so to combat that I have decided to join a running club - meet people+exercise+no financial outlay=happy single person.

What else? Any ideas?

Try everything once

There's usually loads going on, a community group, local festivals, charity parachutes/great wall of china etc, wine tasting/curry clubs, try a different sport or art/photography, book clubs.

Have fun, find talents you didn't know you and do stuff you always wanted to do.

I mainly cast my mind back to any of my full on live in type relationships and how awful they were and that produces fairly instant happiness.

Also having a horse (and pony) helps, they are such good listeners even if they resist my snogs.

What scares you about being alone ?

Come and live with my DH for a weekend. Then you will embrace single-dom with open arms!

There's nothing to be scared of in being alone!! No-one to mess up the house, no-one to disagree with you over what to watch, no-one snoring in bed or leaving their mess and clutter lying around, no-one sulking because you don't want to do what they want to do!!!

I'd go with the hobbies and sports options too (she says, idling away her time drinking tea and surfing MN yet again while the kids are away!)

What scares me about being alone...

The lack of closeness with someone
Absence of sex
Having someone to talk about your day with when you get home from work
When someone rings your doorbell at stupid o'clock at night and its you who has to tell them to bugger off
Walking home in the dark, alone
The possibilty I may never have children of my own

But equally, when unhappy with my ex I fantasised about all of those things MagicHouse said, plus not having to ask someone to brush their teeth more than once a day?!

I did something a bit fab just now. A neighbour has smiled at me a few times, and this evening instead of smiling and scuttling inside, I walked over and introduced myself. She was really friendly and asked if I'd like to be introduced to some of the other neighbours...

Come on then Somebloke...you can't say that and not explain...

personal alarm for walking home in the dark
fuckbuddy if you need sex
pet for closeness/company
ring friends/relatives/samaritans when you need a chat
look into adoption or donor in the longer term if you're desperate for a child
take 6 months to a year off from dating
you'll get used to it and start to really enjoy singledom

ps great about your neighbours and the running hobbies and interests are definitely the way to go

To combine the 2 concepts - think of yourself as 'single and dating'. I did this for a couple of years and it was brilliant! Cute guys taking me out to dinner, a couple of wild and romantic flings, some hilarious stories, kisses with a few handsome men, and some great memories...now I'm married I look back on that time with a lot of affection. I was single and had all the time I wanted to myself but when I fancied I I'd date/flirt and enjoy myself

Have you had time alone to process things that have happened to you.
Am a bit confused.Did you split with your partner 13 months ago,and have had 3 relationships since?And what do you find difficult about taking things slowly.Apologies if it just me that is confused.

Some of the things on your hating being alone list,could be combatted by taking in a lodger.Is that something that you may find useful?

@Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain Not sure there's much to explain. 10 year relationship, ended last year, followed by a long and continuing period of being rubbish at singleness. Kind of like the OP, aside from the 3 short relationships.

I'm just going to hang around and nick any suggestions people make that I like the look of...

I don't need anyone but would like the support, intimacy etc.

Sometimes I just use being single as another way of beating myself up about not being good enough though, which is bound to make it feel crap.

I compare my single life with a mythical wonderful relationship. Not helpful.