to all the women who have left their dh/dp

[MarigoldsInTheWindow]

what on earth do you say to the children :( :( : (

Depends on age, my ds was four years old and I told him that mummy and daddy have decided to live in different houses and that he would spend some days with me and some with daddy. I also found lots of positives in moving house and made it sound fun rather than the enormous stress and upheaval it was.

Mine are young adults and two years ago I moved out of the family home leaving them with their DF. They knew I was unhappy. I simply told them I didn't want to live with their DF any more but I still loved them all very much and was sad not to live with them.

I haven't said much about my reasons but they find living with him quite hard work too. (He is a workaholic who leaves domestic drudgery to others).
I regret that their holiday home is with him not me. But I have a close and loving relationship with them all and we are repairing the damage I did by moving out. I hope that in the longer term they will sometimes stay with me when they "come home" not just in the big family home.

mine were 6&8

my 8 year old walked up to me and said 'so when is daddy moving out then?'
so we obviously hadn't been talking as quietly as we thought

I was very much put on the spot so said that mummy and daddy found it too diffiult to be kind to each other and it was making us both unhappy so it was better if we didn't live together but that we both still loved them very much and they would still see loads of both of us

I have kept the truth from them and still do that he was an abusive git and had totally crushed the person that I was, and that when I started to see him treating DD1 the same way I couldn't stand by and let it happen

DD1 told him that she was glad he was going but now gets on with him so much better now they only see each other 1 day a fortnight (his choice not mine)

LemonDrizzled, how very brave of you!. I have considered this, for similar reasons, but I don't have your courage.

We sat them down and began to explain we were no longer going to live together, Dad would be living around the corner, we still loved them etc... they were 14,12 and 9
They took it very well (and told me later they had been expecting it), after a few moments to digest the information the next comment was "Cool, that means we can get a dog at Dad's house" :) I'd never let them have one.

On the verge of telling our DCs (10+8). Keep putting it off as holiday plans get in the way but want to say M+D are going to live in separate homes, that they are loved and don't have to choose between us. Not much will change (DH works abroad a good deal so used to us leading fairly separate lives) except living arrangements. People say it's important to say they were made with love. Also M+D will continue to make all the important decisions together and they can ask any questions whenever they want. I think they just need the facts, not too many details.

My boy was only 18months so haven't had to explain, been separated 9months, but when he gets older, it will be just a case of sometimes though mummy and daddy love you very much, they just can't be together, though this doesn't change how much they love you. Sometimes marriages don't work out.