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Relationships

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Original poster

would you care if people liked your dp/dh?

21 replies

WelshCat · 12/08/2012 16:20

Would it matter to you if people didn't like your boyfriend/partner/husband as long as you did?

I have recently met a guy, and I know my family/friends will not like him. He is a little worn looking (I fancy this though :p) and has a certain style that I know people will judge.

Does this matter? I'm thinking obviously not, as long as I like him and he treats me well, but maybe it would cause problems?

OP posts:

BonkeyHasGOLDMollocks · 12/08/2012 16:25

My parents don't like dh.

it was tough at first but its them who are missing out on family meals/outings/christmas etc.

If he treats you right and you are both happy then they should pull their judgey pants out their arses and be happy for you! :)

RecklessRat · 12/08/2012 16:29

Yes, I would care.

But I'd hope that my family and friends wouldn't judge purely on the basis of appearances.

Is there more to it than that? Perhaps there is/are other things about him that makes you think they won't like him?

dequoisagitil · 12/08/2012 16:29

If it was for superficial reasons, then it would sting a bit, but probably wouldn't matter. I'd be confident they'd grow to accept him.

If it was because they thought he was a wrong un or treating me poorly, then it might be wise to take heed, as they're normally supportive and on my side.

RecklessRat · 12/08/2012 16:35

He is a "little worn looking" and "has a certain style".

Is he much older than you?

(or is he Keith Richards?)

Original poster

WelshCat · 12/08/2012 16:43

Haha he is only 11 years older than me. But yes, along the Keith Richards line of thinking! He is not that old though.

It is only superficial reasons people would not 'approve' of him. He seems a very lovely man so far.

OP posts:

RecklessRat · 12/08/2012 16:56

Well, if it's only superficial reasons then screw what anyone thinks.

If he treats you well and you're happy then your family and friends will see this and (hopefully) get over any odd hang-ups about his appearance once they've got over the shock

needsomeperspective · 12/08/2012 17:13

On paper my H was rather different to the ideal picture my folks had of a future son in law. He has plenty of tattoos, didn't go to uni or do well at school, is divorced and has 4 kids with 3 different women (including me!). But once they met him and understood the history and got to know him they adored him. He is a lovely guy, a brilliant husband an father and great company, he can mix with anyone from any background and get on with them because he is intelligent, charming and has a fabulous character. He would do anything for anyone. No that he is perfect of course - who is?!

The old adage is true "don't judge a book by its cover". If he is good to you and a good person then that's all that matters.

ColourMeWithChaos · 12/08/2012 17:20

My parents were never sure about my DH when we got together. He was a farm labourer working on the family farm, had no plans to go to university and certainly no plans to join my father's golf club. He couldn't give less of a shit about the village politics my parents love.

But then they realised he was an amazing boyfriend, would be an amazing husband and father and really did love me. I know they still think he is the reason I didn't go to university after my A-levels and he was but I really, really don't regret that.

I guess my point is, that if people really love and want good for you, they should love the partner you choose as long as your partner loves you and treats you right.

LemonDrizzled · 12/08/2012 19:59

My new DP has a friendly face and lots of friends. He helps out everybody and is popular and sociable. When I first stating dating him it was great to hear my friends saying how nice he is, and my Dad chatting away to him. It definitely influenced me.

Original poster

WelshCat · 12/08/2012 20:02

Lemon, I understand what you mean. Thats why I don't know if it will be easy if nobody is supportive.

Its because he is kind of scatty looking. And he lives in a shared house and doesn't have a car. These things don't bother me but I know my family/friends will pick up on them and mention them.

OP posts:

Offred · 12/08/2012 20:12

Depends on the people with the dislike and why they dislike him tbh. If people I respected and loved and respected and loved me didn't like my partner I might reconsider.

goodygumdrops · 12/08/2012 20:23

It would matter in that it would make some things in life difficult, but it wouldnt matter enough to put me off.

MadameCupcake · 12/08/2012 21:25

I would care most of the time - if my friends/family didn't like someone then it would definitely make me think twice now, none of my friends liked XH - it just took me a hell of a lot longer than them to realise he was a complete arse!

I think this sounds a bit different as they may be 'surprised' at seeing him maybe but if he is genuinely nice then surely they will like him.

ninah · 12/08/2012 21:27

well yeah it would matter
I went out with a bit of a train spotter for a while. Friend's comment 'I don't see you walking into the sunset with him, dear'

Original poster

WelshCat · 13/08/2012 08:45

So opinions divided then? Its just his appearance that would cause a few raised eyebrows. I don't see any part of his personality causing problems.

So I still don't know what to do! Keep seeing him for a while anyway I guess, I don't plan on introducing him to anyone this soon anyway.

OP posts:

Mayisout · 13/08/2012 09:07

Well, there is scant info here really to judge.

But is he a good father to his scattered DCs? Does he pay maintenance on time? These would be important points to me.

Love and kindness are only part of a long term relationship.

Mayisout · 13/08/2012 09:08

OOops sorry. Mixing up posts. I see he doesn't have DCs.

Mayisout · 13/08/2012 09:18

Sorry, got sidelined there as one description above ( needsomeperspective ) sounds like my possibly future s-i-l, though he is a lovely chap.

Had intended to say that if he cannot afford a car does he have a regular job ie money does come into this for a long-term relationship with children.

Trills · 13/08/2012 09:20

Depends who these people are, and why they don't like him.

If they are people who I have chosen to be in my life, and whose opinions I respect, it would bother me, yes. Because they might very well have a good reason not to like him.

If they are people whose opinions I often disagree with, then not so much.

Original poster

WelshCat · 13/08/2012 10:22

He does have a job, which he is serious about. He has a daughter who he is good to and pays for regularly. He doesn't have a car, I'm not sure why, maybe he doesn't want one!

I guess because of his appearance people will assume he is a bum who isn't serious about life. But just because he chooses to look a certain way doesn't mean he is any less of a 'good catch'.

I have dated similar looking men in the past, and the majority of them have been losers. So I can understand why people would jump to this conclusion.

It would be my mother and father, and sisters and brother mostly. My friends would probably be very accepting of him.

OP posts:

Mayisout · 13/08/2012 13:36

He sounds fine. If you give it enough time they will come to like him as they get to know him.

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