My brother text ex to say he wants to stay friends :-(

[freemanbatch]

Sorry me again

My little brother sent me only 13 words when I text him to tell him ex had moved out and all that said was that it was a shock. He then sent a massive message to ex saying how sorry he was that I'd kicked him out and how good a bloke he been to him and he hopes they can stay friends!

My dad says he doesn't know all the facts but surely you don't do that whatever the reason your sister is splitting up with someone?

It shows just what a job he's done on my family though which is really scary, how many other people will take his side and want to be friends with him? how much of my family am I going to lose?

So much for feeling better about things

When I split with my ex I liked it that my family didn't take sides. They continued to see my ex until they discovered for themselves what a nasty bitter twisted twunt he is .

you haven't lost your DBro...he just doesn't know enough of the situation to understand things from your perspective....yet

Be careful not to be angry and listing / accusing Ex of this that and the next thing with bro though....

instead try to talk more about where things went wrong for you and the impact of things that has finally led to this point...for you ( I don't know your back story so can't say more)...Dbro only saw what he saw...he missed alot of the behind closed doors stuff...

I hope that your Dbro does realise your position and gives you support and understanding when you can open up and talk to him about things he obviously has no idea about right now....forgive him for txts...he hasn't thought and probably just doesn't know enough yet....

I don't know how to put links in sorry but there is a thread further down called 'split due to abuse but everyone thinks he's a saint!'

He's always told me my family wouldn't believe me and would side with him which is why it's taken me so long to get out and this is just a kick I didn't need

It is my brothers life though and he can do what he wants I guess.

Who is making your brother choose?

Believe me, it will all right itself in the end. Although very supportive to me, my DBs felt sorry for XH; after all he had been in the family for many years. They continued to see him but he eventually showed his true colours - as soon as he started to slag me off from a pig to a dog they drifted away. Nobody sees him now except poor me cos of the DCs!.

I've read your 1st thread OP...
I'm so happy for you for finding your courage to break free and stop this happening anymore...your ex has obviously been very controlling and abusive and I'm very sorry you have been going through this

DC's are amazing too...it isn't always apparent (with DC's) that they have been going through this with you and suffering as much... as we realise afterwards they were....it sounds like there has been a huge shift and relief for you all and that's really good {smile]

I am a bit surprised that your ex seems to have left quietly and isn't creating issue's for you though???....I wonder that he thinks he is so all powerful that you will be begging him home soon or something.... in his warped mind???...do you think he believes you cannot cope alone and it's just a matter of time til you admit some kind of defeat and ask him to come back...all is forgiven, etc....it wouldn't surprise me if he did think this way....

I'm not making my brother chose diddl it was just a shock really that he would send a very long message to ex saying how lovely he was and how sorry he was that I'd kicked him out and he hoped they would remain friends when all I got was 'well that's a bloody shock, I won't delve, see you sometime I guess.'

I am constantly surprised by him at the minute whatthewhatthebleep but the joy with which he told me about this message gave every indication that he thinks eventually I'll have to have him back in order to not be totally alone.

The kids are so much happier I know I've done the right thing and there's no chance he's coming back!

Exactly-no one is making him choose-he can stay friends with your ex if he wants.

I would also find it hurtful btw.

Have you seen the message in question?

If not, who has told you about it?

Is your brother unfeeling enough to tell you he wrote a long, heartfelt message to your ex?

And is it the sort of thing he would send?

ah yes...I see that this Dbro txt was delightful for the ex to wave in your face....

yes he is going to manipulate as much as he always has....things like your Dbro's txt empower his righteous self....he is absolutely failing to see that he has any responsibility in anything....in so doing he has everyone else seeing things his way....poor innocent chap...NOT!!!

Well...indeed sweetheart...you will have to brace yourself for the worst (where friends and family may be concerned)and let things unfold as they will....things will settle and it will all come out in the wash as they say.....tbh...the only important thing is really about you and your DC's getting through things and forging ahead with what is best for you....all else can wait and see and bedealt with later

Keep your focus on you and DC's....file the other stuff...you have enough on your plate right now....keep a clear view and stay on your path

((hugs))

Hold your head high. You know what happened which is the most important thing. Your dad obviously supports you. Is your brother very young? I would just tell him there was a lot more to it and that you were very unhappy and leave it at that.

Leaving a bad marriage is a huge relief. It gets easier, and as time goes on you will find that getting your life/ confidence/ self esteem back will mean that other people's opinions (ie those who don't know the whole truth) matter less and less to you. Good luck.

I've seen it diddl ex took great pleasure in showing me, I don't think I'd mind anywhere near as much if he had said anything anywhere close to that to me I am his sister after all, he seems to think I'm the bad guy and ex is the innocent party in this. I don't feel the ins and outs of the life I've lived for the last few years is anyone elses business and outside of telling my mum and dad I don't really want to discuss it with people so I'm not helping myself I know. It's just the feeling that he has placed himself firmly in ex's camp that bothers me. I would never have expected it of him so the shock is probably the thing right now.

Thanks whatthe I am doing my best to keep heading forward and I did a good job of not showing ex how upset I was by it which was an improvement for me.

writing about it here has calmed me down as well so thank you, you are all lovely people

Oh that´s awful.

I suppose in his defence he didn´t know that you would be shown it.

Are they very god friends?

Because I can´t imagine many men putting much more than "shit about the break up-hope we can still be friends"

they aren't good friends no, we live quite a long way from my family but we have always visited regularly because I watch football down there and they have been out drinking together a few times but nothing that made me expect something like this. I suppose I have to hope the distance stops them getting together too often or that I don't have to hear about it!!

That´s really odd.

Has your ex faked it somehow??!!

nah it was from my brother I know the number and it 'sounded' like him as well in the way it was written.

I know he's done a great job of convincing everyone that he is a saint and I am lucky to have him I suppose I have to hope they figure it out for themselves quickly or I'll be a few more people short at the end of this not that I'm sure that's a bad thing in some ways

Bear in mind that you don't know what it was in response to. If your ex said how he was still totally in love with you, close to topping himself, blah blah blah then the response would be longer and warmer as a result, no?

I'd ask your parents to talk to your brother so he knows the full story. He is family. You need their support. He can't keep your ex at arms length if he doesn't know how and why that has come to be necessary.

this is horrible for you because you must feel betrayed and let down by your brother, but please don't take it too much to heart. some mutual friends of my ex and myself kept seeing him because they didn't want to take sides when we split, and i felt they supported him more than me. but after a few months of seeing my ex as he really was and seeing how devastated the kids and i were, they dropped contact with them. perhaps your brother will learn the hard way here, and realise what a mistake he's made. you call him your younger brother, so i might be wrong but perhaps he sort of hero-worshipped your ex a bit, and saw him through rose-tinted glasses. i do feel for you though because i remember how i felt when similar happened.

I've spoken to my mum this evening and she's arranged for my brother to be at there house next weekend when I am there so we can talk it all through. dad says he'll fill him in on all the facts for me if I want before I see him but I don't know which way I'll decide to go about it yet.

Thanks for all the advice and the questioning it's really made me think about things and helped me work out what I want to do

Here is your other thread Freeman. It must be awful him doing that, but what you have to remember is that you have made the right decision. You have made the best choice for you and your children, and one day the mask will slip, and people will see the real him.

I hope your feeling ok, and remember you can pm me anytime

thanks puds11

I've decided that I can either continue to worry about what other people think and run the risk of going back the way I came or i can stick with the knowledge I am finally doing the right thing and get on with building a happy life with people who really care about me so I am going for option 2

thanks again for the Pm thing I am sure I will when I work up the nerve!

Good for you Freeman, you are making the right choice, and in a few years you will look back and thank your lucky stars that you stayed strong.

F everyone else, you know the true him, and it is only by your grace and dignity that they don't.

You will come out on top