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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

will the police help me?

14 replies

rotool · 11/08/2012 20:15

I have seperated from my partner but we are living in the same property. He works for his parents on the farm next to our house. Through solicitors he is supposed to let me have the children in the afternoons and 1 day each week throughout the summer holidays. He has kept the children from all week, I have not seen them all day and have just been told they are having a sleep over at the farm. I asked him to bring them down in the morning so I can spend the day with them but he says he has to go somewhere with them in the morning. I want to see my children, he is not looking after them all the time at the farm his parents are which is fine but I want to see them sometimes. Before we split he never took any care of them, I have done everything for 8 years. Will the police help me? I am desperate.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/08/2012 20:18

The police won't help because there's no criminal behaviour involved. Contact your local Citizen's Advice and look into getting Legal Aid. You need a lawyer.

And possibly Women's Aid?

Original poster

rotool · 11/08/2012 20:21

I have a solicitor. He is just in total control and I can't do anything.

OP posts:

dondon33 · 11/08/2012 20:23

Speak to the solicitor again, if this was an agreement then he's breaking it.
Maybe you could speak with his parents if you're on good terms with them before consulting the solicitor again.
Unfortunately no the police won't get involved in this. x

BlackberryIce · 11/08/2012 20:24

You posted about this a few weeks ago? Thought you were about to leave.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/08/2012 20:24

Ok, how many dc, what ages, and why are you still living together? I'm guessing tied house and no cash. Sounds like it is Women's Aid after all. They can offer you support, advice, and if necessary temporary accommodation.

BlackberryIce · 11/08/2012 20:24

If it's through solicitors then it's worth nothing.... It's not legally binding

ladyWordy · 11/08/2012 20:25

Are you able to get in touch with the children now, or go and see them now? Do you know if they are Ok and happy?

If in doubt I would try Women's Aid first. If the children are safe, this is a legal matter for the solicitor to sort out (as far as I know).

I remember your earlier thread, rotool. I'm glad are getting free of him.

Original poster

rotool · 11/08/2012 20:25

His parents are helping him keep the children away from me by looking after them when he is working. I speak to my solicitor, she writes to his, he takes no notice. Solicitor preparing to go to court but it is taking so long.

OP posts:

Original poster

rotool · 11/08/2012 20:28

I tried to leave but my solicitor advised me that the legal services commission have said I will not get legal aid for court costs etc if I leave the house as there is to much equity in it. Costs could be as much as £20,000. I have to stay until the house is sold. I have to live here whilst going to court.

OP posts:

Original poster

rotool · 11/08/2012 20:29

Children are 8 and 6

OP posts:

izzyizin · 11/08/2012 20:42

It isn't a tied house, OldLady.

Why did you agree to only seeing your dc in the afternoons and 1 day a week during the school holidays?

Where do the dc usually sleep? Do they sleepover in your home at night? Are their bedrooms in your home? Where are their clothes/toys?

Original poster

rotool · 11/08/2012 20:46

they sleep at my home every night.all there things are here. I work in the mornings. he just takes them at the weekends so my solicitor thought it fair he have them one day so that maybe I would get to see them the next day but it is not working.

OP posts:

Original poster

rotool · 11/08/2012 20:47

I want my boys back, i know they are OK and happy but they are also OK and happy when they are with me. He is only doing this to control me as he has done for ten years. He doesn't want us to split.

OP posts:

ladyWordy · 11/08/2012 21:26

I'm sorry rotool. It's totally unfair to you, and it's very, very wrong to use children as a weapon to control and hurt others.

You could inform him and his parents calmly, that they are breaking their agreement, and you are recording this action for your solicitor's attention...every time they do it (IF you feel safe to do that of course. If you think this might draw harm, just record it privately anyway).

I would still have a talk with Women's Aid, they have a lot of knowledge in this area.

Since he has left the children solely in your care for so long prior to this, chances are he will tire of playing this game before long. Caring for children is hard work, and doesn't come easily to selfish people. It won't be like this forever rotool, a bit more to go through and you will be away...

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