Is everyone a bit judgy with friends- or am I just a cow?

[CaptainKirksWife]

Don't flame me- looking for empathy and honest asnwers.

I'm the kind of person who has a few really close friends and not that many acquaintances. I'm not wildy outgoing, like my own company, but value my life-long friends.

But- and it is a "but"- there is often "something" about my friends that annoys me, no matter how much I love them. Sometimes I'm too outspoken for my own good - not immediately but not good at hiding my feelings long-term- and this has caused some fall-outs in the past.

I don't know if everyone is like this- or if I need to learn to be more tolerant and less opinionated.

I think the long-term friendships last because you know your friend's faults but can overlook them - just as they are overlooking yours!

Are the 'somethings' that annoy you about your friends the same 'somethings' that annoy you about yourself?

What would you feel if you discovered that your friends feel similarly annoyed by you?

You need to overlook them just as they overlook your faults. No ones perfect.

I have a friend who can be quite outspokenly judgemental of me, and it is not a nice feeling at all. Luckily I don't see her often now, since we moved over 400 miles away, but it certainly didn't help with my self esteem, or my constant dread that everyone is judging me, and that my friends really don't like me that much.

I think I'm like you and strangely enough I've been thinking about it alot this week. There were 2 occasions many years ago where 2 of my friends had cheated on their DP's. On both occasions neither wanted to tell me because they "knew I'd be disappointed" and "I shit myself when you asked if it was true". I wonder whether them not saying anything was because they found me too judgemental and knew I'd rip into them. In fairness, I'm not critical or judgemental about anything else but I detest lying and deception even when the lies don't affect me.
All I would say is that at least people know where they stand with you and your not going behind their backs like some people would. How many posters on here talk about phasing out their friends without ever letting them know why.

Advice from winkle2 says it perfectly. We all have annoying traits, even mother Teresa could be a pain in the arse at times

Living saints are insufferable. IMO they should all be martyred at the stake

I think it would be fairer to say they "exasperate" me.

I actually say about 5% of what I'd like to!

Most of the time- and this is the truth- my exasperation comes from them behaving in ways which means they will end up miserable in some way- and I suppose I'm trying to "control them" a bit!

They ask for advice, I give it and it's ignored- then I pass the tissues. I suppose I'm trying to short circuit that- but it comes over as critical rather than caring and concerned.

I'm quite outspoken and have often put my foot in it with close friends by speaking the truth or giving an opinion before it's asked. Not in a nasty way just sometimes I don't engage my brain before letting my mouth run riot.
Classic example...
A friend had an on off relationship with a guy for a few months, he was taking the piss out of her and I told her this already. Myself and few other friends didn't really like him much (just something there...few red flags too) but she liked him so we kept an eye but kept gobs shut. Anyway she made a big decision not to see him again after their latest spat and I immediately came out with "thank fuck for that, we all knew he was knob and just using you as a booty call, you can do so much better blah blah" She'd said similar herself but I still could have high fived myself in the face for being so blunt. Luckily she knows and loves me.
I wouldn't do it to hurt someone intentionally, nor slag people behind their backs and if I do overstep the mark then I can't apologise enough. Mostly if it's not close friends then my best policy is to say nothing. I don't even need to ask if I annoy them because I know I do :)

easy to see the speck of dust in someone elses eye whilst not noticing the plank of wood in your own!

Yes I often find other people very very annoying & exasperating, I try and take that as an indication that I, being also human, am doubtless just as infuriating to others :o

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

A great quote by Carl Jung that helps me through many a judgy-pants moment. :)

Right on mercury!

Interesting thread.

It's true that some there are some things I find irritating in others I can see in myself, if I dig deep. There are also things that irritate me about others that I hope I'm not though.

I could pick out a dozen faults in each of my friends, and sometimes those faults might become a problem, but usually they are just there beneath the surface, and are part of their personality, and part of why I love them. Thankfully I could also pick out a million great things about each of them too.

Understanding and tolerating others' faults is something I'm learning to do. I struggled with friendships in my twenties because I was always feeling 'disappointed' by friends, but I guess as we've all matured, that feeling doesn't arise nowadays at all - unless, of course, I feel as if I''ve been truly shat upon!

Sorry - bad grammar. Very hungover.

I have always found it hard to make friends because there is always something that I find annoying in people. And likewise, I know there is probably something they find annoying about me and it makes me a bit uncomfortable and unsure how to act.

I'm working on it but unless it is something major (racism, sexism, whatever) I wouldn't voice it to your friends.

people are so complex and changeable, ever in a sate of flux, behaviour is so context dependant that it'd be a wonder if other didnt annoy us.

Also is it that they are annoying or am I just annoy-able?

it seems unrealistic to expect to be such a perfect fit with anyone that you always see eye to eye..never rub each other up the wrong way