Any one built a bridge after long estrangment - is it ever real again?

[mulranno]

Not sure what to expect -- would everything just be awkward/distant - or are there any success stories where it all became water under the bridge? There was a complicated issue with wider family and sister after parents death - so I chose to keep my distance. She and her family are always invited to my family events and she always declines. Would things need to be said or does that just open a wound? Had a very intense relationship with her all my life - I was always sorting out her dramas - just became too exhausting. I dont want to go back to this one sided draining relationship - but uncomfortable with situation now too.

I was reconciled with my mother for a few years but she slipped back to her old ways and after I while I felt so offended that I cut off contact again.

She instigated the initial split, but I prefer life without her in it and have no desire for contact

mercury - I think that is what I am worried about - I have no evidence to suggest that she is any different and the pressure would be on me to draw boundaries which is uncomfortable and exhausting on a daily basis...but it just feels very wrong in many ways - I wish I could cope with her better.

I understand that you feel it is 'wrong' mostly we have internalised and so dont question the 'blood is thicker than water' sentiment.

But looking at the situation objectively and rationally can you make a good case that is it wrong?
Who really is being harmed if you decide to leave that bridge burnt?

I am "fortunate" in that both my parents are dead so I dont have that dilemma of disappointing them by the estrangment. I am comfortable enough in her company at family events - I am polite and civil - but the thought of socialising with her brings me out in a rash.....in fact the less I have seen of her - when we are now in each others company I find her so irritating. I suppose I am worried about what example I am setting to my children. But my husband never sees or contacts his siblings as they are just not close rather than there is a rift.