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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I tell new man about my BiPolar?

11 replies

ByePolarBear · 11/08/2012 12:48

Namechanged but it's pretty obvious who I am to anyone who has spoken with me on here. That's cool - I just don't want this topic coming up in searches against my usual username.

Basically I have been seeing a guy for 3 weeks. Not long I know but we have become quite close, slept together, seemingly in it for the long term. What I have not told him however is that I suffer with clycothemia which for those that don't know is a very mild form of bipolar. My moods can switch from one day to the next, sometimes hour by hour. At the moment it's pretty bad - I am under a lot of stress and I'm spending a lot of time in a downward mood - only to "Lift" for a couple of hours and then plummet back down again. I try not to let it show - but I can't help it. Now I think new man is thinking I'm blowing all hot and cold on him and to be fair, it probably does seem like that.

Do I tell him?? it seems to early to be telling him about this but if it explains my weird moods? Also, his ex wife suffered hormonal mood swings and would be violent towards him, one time punching him in the face whilst he was driving on a motorway. Will my confession scare him off??

OP posts:
Helltotheno · 11/08/2012 12:51

Yes you should tell him in my opinion.

Leverette · 11/08/2012 12:54

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MrsJREwing · 11/08/2012 12:56

If you trust someone to sleep with them you should share things like bipolar. 3 weeks is sooner than I would sleep with someone.

ByePolarBear · 11/08/2012 12:56

See I'm never violent or aggressive with it, never. When I'm down, I'm just quiet, unsociable and generally crap to be around.
I feel terrible today. really, really low. He's text me a few times and I just can't motivate myself to make conversation with him. He's now text me "everything ok?" and I feel guilty - because I know what it's like 2nd guessing your own actions because someone else is being off with you.

OP posts:
emess · 11/08/2012 12:58

Yes, tell him. You are clearly very aware of its effects so you should be able to explain to him how it affects you, and how you deal with it (medication, meditiaiton, whatever). As already said, if it scares him off then you're better to find out now. And if you don't tell him now, then when?

MrsJREwing · 11/08/2012 12:59

Text you are tired and down today, nothing to do with him, you will text later, close xx

Snog · 11/08/2012 13:01

Sounds like if you don't tell him the relationship won't last long.
If you tell him, of course there is a lot of stigma around mental illness so he may take flight anyway. But maybe not.

Can you take more action to control your illness eg with stress levels, medication etc?

ladyWordy · 11/08/2012 13:08

Maybe you can text to say, yeah I'm all right, just health issues, will get back to you. That gives you an opening if you want it. He is probably hypersensitive about such things, which is awkward, though he needs to know that whatever afflicted his ex was a lot more than just hormonal issues. Punching someone on a motorway ! Shock

FateLovesTheFearless · 11/08/2012 13:11

Sent you a pm byepolar. For what it's worth I relate to the CBA low feeling and everything feeling like a huge effort, including texting your BF! I do think you should tell him so he understands it's not him responsible and it's not you being funny with him.

ByePolarBear · 11/08/2012 13:20

Have just replied Fate :)

I am seeing him tomorrow night - I may try and mention it then. Whilst assuring him there is no danger of me beating him up whilst driving at 70mph on a motorway lol (I know it's not funny)

OP posts:
FateLovesTheFearless · 11/08/2012 13:28

If he is worth his salt he will be okay with it and probably relieved to know about it. Good luck! Smile

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