I have a ridiculous crush on this guy! help me, single ladies!

[ridiculoussingle]

I have namechanged for this as I feel so embarrassed, I really don't know how to handle myself! I have turned into some obsessive or something. I feel ridiculous, like I'm about 13 but I'm 42!

I'm single, just started a (mixed sex) self defence class, and I've developed a massive crush on the teacher. He is about my age and his facebook says he is single (I KNOW!). I like to think he is flirting with me - has loads of eye contact with me when chatting after class, has been teasing me about things, happens to match against me more often than with the others, and this class gets quite physical and when we paired up, it did get quite physical (well for me it did, I'm sure he was just doing his job).

But, I am rubbish at telling if people are flirting or being friendly, and of course he'll be nice to me as he wants people to stay in his club as it is his job! So I'm sure I'm reading too much into things.

Argh. I have become a ridiculous teenager! I've got it really bad! I just keep thinking about him, and I have a couple of other dates lined up but just can't be bothered with them now as I just compare them to him. AND I HARDLY KNOW HIM!

The nature of the club is such that I don't think he'd make a move, and I think he'd feel it was kind of wrong to mix the sport and a relationship.

So I'm thinking of quitting :( It's stopping me getting on with dating real people. But I want to tell him why I'm quitting, though I'm not sure how without sounding either sad or creepy.

I know you'll tell me to ask him out, but I can't ask him out and then deal with the embarrassment of going to class with his having turned me down. I do want to continue the class as I enjoy it, but I can't carry on going to the class having this really bad crush on him that gets in the way of me dating 'normal' guys. I'm sure there's other self defence classes in my area.

What should I do?????

Well...I'm sure he isn't getting physical as you hope. As it is martial arts class after all. Which is physical. He wouldn't risk touching up people as it would destroy his business and quite possibly see him with a criminal record.

So I do think if it's taking over, asking him out and going to another group would be best.

hey, this was me this time last year. I had a crush on a tutor. He knew, I'm sure. I brushed my hair before his class. I put on tinted moisturiser and mascara and a tiny bit of lipstick while trying to look like I had no make up on!! I risked a few flirtatious 'jokes' which either met with a patient smile or they just kind of crashed and died and fell into total silence. Then although to begin with he didn't give out clues to the class wrt his age/marital status/home town etc, he ended up mentioning his 'partner' to me. I was embarrassed. I saw it as the "back off flirty woman" that it was. ANd then as the year rolled on I began to see that he was a bit inclined to be negative. And yet, he'll always if he remembers me at ALL, which I doubt, it'll be as that woman who laughed to loudly and stared at him with big eyes.

CRINGE.

Embarrassed to say that I also googled his name and saw his times in various races and so forth. What a loser (me!)

What I'm saying to you is, he knows you like him.

I think you're right and you should look into other self-defence classes. I doubt you're learning too much from him when you're preoccupied with lust .

Then maybe ask him out.

houseofplain - I'm not saying things were sexual physical, I'm saying things were rather more close quarters than I would have expected. and yes, I know the class is a hands on class, which is why I try not to read too much into it.

So consensus is quit and ask him out. Shame, as the class is really enjoyable (he doesn't always teach it, so it's not just because of him).

So maybe I'll facebook message him (we are facebook friends, I'm not a totally random stalker!). What the hell do I say?

Well I guess, as Katie says, he most likely knows I like him. So actually I probably have nothing to lose. Except a really good self-defence class :(

I wouldn't advise quitting! I'd advise making sure that you do nothing too obvious (he'll KNOW you like him without superfluous arm-touching and so on)........... can you not even concentrate you like him so much? I got a good mark in my class! I wasn't that addled, ykwim!?

Actually, I'm having a rethink.

When you say it's a self-defence class - is it a 12 week course or something? In which case, you could wait it out. I was thinking in terms of it being something like karate where you go on learning for years.

Although, even if it was - your infatuation might burn itself out in a few weeks, as you've only recently started. Perhaps you could just try to enjoy the lusty feelings, but not act on them?

Martial arts teachers are notorious for flirting with female students. I wouldn't take it too personally. I knew of a karate instructor who would always have a favourite female in his class. He made it more obvious than I think he intended to - especially since his wife was also a student!
Many times I saw his wife give him 'the look'.

It sounds like he fancies you. I'd keep going and let him ask you out. If it gets to the end of the course and he doesn't you could ask him out then? And enjoy it great having crushes