Please support me to leave/practical advice?

[midori1999]

I think I am going to have to leave my husband. I am terrified. Not helped by the fact that I think I have PND again (had it after my first child and bouts of depression since). I can't even get to the GP until the DC go back to school (which luckily is next week) as I as no one to help me and have the DC. I'm also overdue my smear because of this, but that's another thing altogether...

It's a long story and I'm not sure I want to go into all the details, but he was basically physically violent in the past and because I 'called him' on this and told his work (he is in the army, although he wouldn't say that's the reason, but his career is all important to him) told my family etc there has been no more violence, although he has been physically aggressive and is emotionally abusive, although he denies this. I do wonder, in part, if it's not a conscious thing though, in that he doesn't deliberately do it to be controlling, he is just like that.

Anyway, we have no house, because of his job really. I am terrified of leaving and being on my own and having to rent a house/find somewhere to live and face the prospect of having to move frequently. I also have dogs and renting with them will be hard. Is there any chance in the terms of the divorce I can ask for him to buy a house for myself and my DC? (only my DD, the youngest, is his) Even if this is just to live in until DD is 18, at least that way I can get on my feet. He is likely to try to hang onto every single penny he has and not want to give me anything. Is it even reasonable of me to expect this?

I need to see a solicitor, don't I? I won't be able to do that until the DC are back at school either.

Oh, and the other thing is, we have a holiday booked for Christmas. My DC are massively looking forward to this. I have lost the deposit of £1,500, but the balance is due in just under a month's time. It's a lot of money and I'm not sure whether to just pay the balance and go, as it is probably the last chance my DC will have for a holiday, or cancel it and save the money, although some of that, DH will see as 'his' if I cancel anyway, so I won't see it.

I'd be tempted to go on the holiday.

He will have to provide child support and provision for his child to have a home. Whether that would take the form of his buying a house for you all, I'm doubtful... On the bright side, you have a better chance of seeing child support etc because he's in the forces than you might otherwise be.

You may possibly be entitled to some help to get yourself on your feet through the services as well?

Assuming you're not working, your local council should be able to provide a list of housing associations, dss-friendly landlords, etc and you'll be entitled to housing benefit. If the violence has been logged officially, you may be able to get more help with being housed. You won't have to move a lot even if you end up a private tenant - some landlords want long-term tenants and few want high turnover of good paying tenants.

Have you family nearby that could support you emotionally if not financially?

have you been in contact with Army Welfare, etc....My understanding is that when a marriage breaks down that the army will accommodate the soldier and the wife and DC's remain in the army housing....I think you are then given 6 months or whatever to organise suitable new accommodation but I have also seen this extended for longer....they will help with this too....they have benefit's and funding to support you financially too (maybe deposit and rent costs, etc food, etc, anything necessary to you.

The Army will seriously frown upon any soldier behaving badly and will support you and protect you from any harm...they will help sort out maintenance from ex and ensure things are done fairly.

Find all doc's and info, passports for you and DC's, etc keep a note of his army number ref's, etc and his commander, department details...you may need these

The army is their for families and you must access these....

Thankyou.

Once DH gives notice on the quarter I get 90 days to leave. It's not negotiable. However, he also has a room in the mess and he won't be in any rush to give notice, so I will be able to stay here for the foreseeable.

I have no family nearby at all, but my Mum is going to come and stay for a few weeks, which has made me feel much better. At least I'll be able to get to the doctors for a start!

DH has emailed me today saying he wants to try and sort things out, but I just don't think things are repairable now. I think at the very least we need some time apart so we can both think about what we want.