New relationship- worried about how have I played it

[thereslovely]

Having separated from my ex of 15 years I have recently met someone on the Internet. Internet dating and texting in a relationship is entirely new to me and I am not comfortable with the way I have played it. We first chatted online for a few evenings, then started texting for several weeks. We have met up five times.

This is what I am not comfortable with:

1. Too much texting eg good morning, how's your day (all day long,) goodnight etc.
2. I have not played it cool with the texting eg I have usually responded to all texts within half an hour (but havent texted first)
3. Because of childcare issues three dates have ended up at my home. I feel I am conducting a relationship from the settee of my living room and am acting like a teenager.
4. The texts have moved from flirty to sexy to downright explicit and I have joined in, partly thinking it is a bit of fun, what the hell? to feeling uncomfortable and a bit seedy.
5. We have already had sex (very enjoyable) but feeling a bit old-fashioned about it and thinking things have moved too quickly. Too late to go back now - should I just get on with it and enjoy it for what it is?
6. My feelings are all over the place. I am veering from lust to guilt to falling for him to wanting to play games eg pretending I am going out having a great time when I am actually at home with the children in bed.

Am I mad, normal, stupid, childish? Should I enjoy it for what it is or put the brakes on? Why do I want to play mindgames? Why can't I just be nice to someone?

I dont think you have anything to feel guilty about, but I agree constant texting can be annoying & intrusive.
Sounds like things have become too intense too quickly for you?
Would you like to put the brakes on?

If you dont like the way it's played then change it. There is nothing wrong with the. In stead of texting just ring him. Tell him you aren't liking the text sex.

If he is a good guy he will be respectful. If not move on.

Dating is all about learning what you do and don't like. Now you know some things you don't like

Next time you see him, tell him that it's really nice that he's thinking of you so often, but the texting is getting a bit much. Tell him you're quite busy at work, with the kids, studying, whatever it is you do with your days and eves when he's not around, so you might not always be able to reply, but he should not take that as you "cooling off". Suggest that you have a chat on the phone in the evenings instead. If he's not up for that them to be honest he's not boyfriend material or, "he's just not that into you".

As for having to have the dates at your home due to child care issues, that sounds more like a practical thing you have to address. The DC will always be there so if you don't feel comfortable working a relationship around them then maybe you have to rethink whether dating is what you really want at the moment. On the other hand it sounds positive that he isn't blowing you out because you can't go out on the town with him.

As for sleeping with him early on, as long as it was enjoyable and you wanted to, and he still seems as interested as he was before you DTD, don't sweat it. There's another thread on here where loads of women have confirmed to a poster with similar concerns that they slept with their DHs on the first date and are very happy together years later! For my own part, my boyfriend and I woke up together the morning after we met and we're pretty blissful 18 months down the line.

However, make sure you think hard about whether you actually like him, respect him and find him interesting. When something interesting or funny happens to you, do you think "oh, I must tell him about that"? Or are you getting a bit suffocated? Being over keen is a big turnoff for me and he does sound like he's going OTT.

Good luck and report back!

Ps, you ask why you want to play mind games. Maybe after 15 years with someone else you are attracted by a bit of drama, playing a persona you have never been before. You wouldn't be the first person, and maybe you need to get it out of your system, but on a very basic level if that's how you he is making you feel/act, he's probably not right for you. No biggy, just take what you need at the moment, try not to hurt him when it fizzles out and chalk it up to experience.

If you're not comfortable with how fast it's moved, you don't have to continue at the same pace.

It does sound full-on, so trust yourself. Don't go along with it to keep him happy.

If it's too much, just tell him you want to keep things light for now. If he's a decent guy, he might be a bit hurt that you want to drop down contact a tad - but he'll get over it and let you pick the pace more.

All this texting etc sounds suffocating to me, after 5 dates.

Thanks for the responses. You seem to agree that it has all moved a bit quickly. I can probably only offer something light and casual at the moment if anything to be honest. The last time I had a new relationship I dont think texts and online dating were invented!

You've met up 5 times of which 3 'dates' have been at your home?

That's not dating, honey, That's making yourself available on a plate for his sexual convenience.

As for the explicit 'sexting', it seems that he's rapidly adapted to having you available for his sexual pleasure whenever it suits him.

If all you want is something light and casual carry on being available for his personal services, as it were, and consider setting up a sexting business that you can run from the comfort of your sofa. If you're feeling philanthropic, you can offer him a discount

Thank you izzyizin your post made me laugh but also hurt because you are so right and I knew it inside.