Father's contact with newborn?

[wkmmum]

I've got an 8 year old DS. 2 years ago I left his father because of domestic violence. Contact was sorted through court and it works really well.

I'm now 25 weeks pregnant by a new partner. 2 days ago we split up. The relationship had been difficult for a while but over the last couple of weeks it'd become impossible. I realised that it was going the same way as my last relationship (although not physically violent) and decided to end it now - I can't go through that again and am certainly not going to put my son through it.

When I have this baby I plan to EBF. I managed to do this for 12 weeks with my son and would like to do it for at least as long as that with this baby.

My question is how do I mange contact in these circumstances? How do other people do it? Obviously baby can't be away from me for long because of feeding but at the same time I don't want the father to be spending loads of time at my flat. What's reasonable to offer?

you might feel more comfortable meeting in a cafe, or at your local sure start centre? where you can have a coffee and still be in the same building whike the baby is with it's father

No advice for you I'm afraid, but as you already know from breastfeeding the first time, its going to be impossible for you to leave your baby. My dd is four months old as is breastfed only and I'm married to her daddy, so he's her all the time but I couldn't just nip out Incase she needs feeding. Also, I think breastfed babies can become very attached to their mums. I know my husband couldn't settle her at all, I have to do it and sometimes she just wants booby for comfort and not for a feed. I think its hard enough breastfeeding with not only the demands of it but how much the baby relies on us. Your ex will almost be like a stranger at the best of times and probably wouldn't beable to.comfort your child. I would forget him for now and concerntrate on you and your baby and establish breastfeeding before worrying about him. Good luck. Xx

I think neutral environment would be best plan until she's old enough to reliably pop out for an hour or two between feeds. Find somewhere you feel comfortable. Do you have a good mutual friend/family member? Perhaps he can see baby in one room and you can have tea and feet up in another?

Express a bit of milk perhaps? I'm not sure I'm really tackling the question because if you're anything like me, you don't want to be more than 10 inches away from your newborn at any time. Maybe, if you're happy, he could take baby out for a walk to try and get them off to sleep, giving you a break for an hour. It will give him a chance to bond too.

Is he asking to see the baby? If he's not that interested, leave it for the moment, particularly as he's an arsehole.