Bitchy work colleague?

[mashedpotatohead]

I've been working in my current job aprox 18mths. I made an effort to get to know my colleague's, chit chat while making a cuppa etc I've felt really settled in the last few months & thought I had some really good working relationships with pretty much everyone.

There is one person who several people warned me about but I didn't want to single her out, knowing she sees me talking to everyone else. I thought I'd make my own mind up.

There have been occasions where she has told me things that seem like an indirect insult to me but I've just ignored it. Now I feel like she's got to know me & tapped into what's important to me, ie friendships, good working relationships.

She's just been over & said that basically it's a big running joke that the techs have a pole about who can stand & talk to me for the longest. So when I next speak to one of them, bear that in mind & cut them off as quickly as possible to scupper their game.

Is she jealous that I've made good friendships or are they all laughing behind my back? I realise this sounds a bit playground but I'm really upset about it :(

If you've already been warned about her behaviour by colleagues then she is clearly being a bitch and winding you up. I'm sure no one is laughing behind your back so just ignore her and try to carry on as you have been. She's a bully trying to intimidate you.

who knows why people do things sometimes OP it seems that others know what she's like anyway, just give her a wide berth and keep any conversation to light chit chat stuff.

She's jealous. Make sure that when you next have to talk to her, or she talks to you, cut her off quick and avoid talking to her about anything except work.

Jealousy, pure and simply. A lot of it about, unfortunately.

Thanks all, I know it's ridiculous to let one person affect me so much. I think I actually thought we were friends but I was warned!

So she's trying to get you to cut off the techs when they're talking to you, so that you appear rude?

Do you REALLY think they'd have a bet like that? It doesn't even make sense!

Of course she's lying. She wants you to make yourself unpopular.

Do you know any of the techs well enough to speak to them about this? I know where I work there's one that I could always rely on to tell me the truth. If you find out from them that she's lying, I'd take this to your boss. This woman is trying to make you unpopular at work.

I agree with previous posters, she is lying and seems to be a bully. Take a note of this and any other nasty comments she makes. So if this escalates you'll have a diary of events, if anything else happens take the issue to your boss.

Try not to take it to heart, some people need to make others feel bad so they feel good. Sad really... good luck with it all.

Jealousy my dear. Ignore her. Women like that can't stand another female coming in and stealing their limelight. Even though you are only making good friendships.

Pathetic behaviour from a grown woman (her, obv, not you).

Agree with everyone else. If she brings it up tell her that you have teamed up with a few of them and you are in on the action and getting a cut. and that you are having loads of fun.

Or tell her, you have talked to them and she was mistaken and must have mixed up the subject of the bet, and you are only saying this because she is your friend and that she should listen to her own advice.

Or just disengage. Which is probably the adult thing to do. but techies have a lot of power, they fix your computer which is something that can really ruin your day, and they are not the people you should be being rude to.

Or wait until a tech is nearby then say, "What did you tell me about the bets the techs have? Eh? Eh?"

You were warned off her, she has a track record of being a bitch, she is trying to "subtly" undermine you with her barbed comments and efforts to make you feel insecure.

I would take a big step back from her - be "civil but distant" and talk only about work stuff. Don't make yourself vulnerable to her.

People like this also thrive on secrecy/"divide and conquer" tactics. If I were you I would mention what she said to you to the techs, and also mention to her that you mentioned what she said to the techs. Not in a serious/ "I'm so devastated by what she said, is it true?" type way, but in a humorous, "I've let them know that you've put me on to their game" (to her), and "I've been told by X that there's a running bet on who here can talk to me the longest, I find it VERY hard to believe - although I can understand why you'd all want to talk to me for as long as possible due to my incredible personality - but if it's true I'm on to you, hahaha" (to them) type way. (I'm Australian too, presumably like Aussiebean above, so this may be a culturally OK solution to me but seem weird to you, who knows, but I think it's a good idea.) By doing that you've told her:

1. That she doesn't have the power to make you insecure.
2. That you won't keep her dumb manipulation tactics secret.
3. That if she actually maliciously lied, the techs now know, which will lower HER reputation in the office.

And you're also giving the techs the opportunity to open their eyes to her underhanded ways (if she told the truth, they know she can't be trusted and is trying to create divisions; if she lied, there's further evidence that she's manipulative and untrustworthy).

Ultimately, though, even if she told you some form of the truth, I would not take it personally or think it means the techs hate you or you are the butt of their jokes. They are probably just bored/have too much time on their hands and view you as enough of a friend that they can all feel comfortable talking to you and involving you in their "jokes". Some people are just stupid like this. As a student I once learnt that some students were playing a stupid game during a live examination regarding an examiner's penis size, based on the size of his hands. They still liked him - in fact admired him incredibly - but are just immature like that. To me - incredibly disrespectful, lowered my opinion of those students considerably. To them - "just a laugh".

In the office, I try to live by the motto, "Don't let the bastards get you down". Because there are a lot of "bastards", and by definition, they do strive to "get you down". Don't let them have power over you, save your energies for the people worth respecting and investing in.

Ha I like ImperialBlether's suggestion too. Same goals accomplished and you can act totally innocent - after all it's just a funny game, right?

Thanks fluff ball. You have said what I was trying to say only WAY better.

Could be an Australian thing. We use humor to deal with awkward situations. My DF once ran out of petrol with an important client in the car. Of course everyone found out about it. He is english and was worried about it. I told him to be the first to joke about it and not take it hard when people bring it up a year later. So now whenever the go past the spot, he points it out to everybody. They have a laugh and move on.

Only you know the best people to approach in the office OP. but I advise you deal with it Monday. Don't let it fester and put her on her place now.

oh girrrrll.. she is so jealous of you. keep doing what your doing. that will kill her. and then be nice to her too.. that would double kill her. muhahaha.

Bake a cake, take it into work, and ask the techies who is currently winning. If they really know nothing about it then it will be obvious and they will enjoy sharing the cake with you anyway. If there is a winner they will be outed by the rest of the group (because you're being a good sport), there will be a bit of banter, and it'll be out in the open. Then everyone's happy with cake. You'll be seen as being generous, having a good sense of humour and an all round good egg. And you'll know what to think of your 'confiding' colleague!

As pps have said mention it to the techs really loudly when she is near by and when they look confused direct a question to her like 'where did you get it from' or 'so why did you say that if its not true'

If she tries something like this again op, just counter it with an enrhusiatic "Cool, that sounds brilliant, I'm well up for that, who's winning? Perhaps we can rig the bets together! I'll go and find out now shall I?"

Then enjoy the delicious experience of her back peddling! Lying miserable mare.

You've got her all figured out already, which is a good thing because it gives you strength- you know she susses out what matters to people and hits them with something that makes them feel vulnerable and rubbish about themselves. She's going after your confidence.

I think this might be one of those situations where if you subtly mentioned what she'd said to someone else then there'd be a whole list of other things she's done.

What a horrible person.