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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Want to spend more time with DH am I weird??

7 replies

Lasvegas · 09/03/2006 14:45

I feel that don't have enough 'quality' time with DH. What I mean by quality, is time together to talk and eat dinner once DD is in bed. This used to be 3 times a week but at momment I rarely see DH other than when we are both asleep or rushing around getting ready for work/nursery. In 2006 we have had 3 'proper' evenings together. This was largely because we gave up alcohol for January, had childcare problems, no babysitter, family staying and lots of illness. But despite things now being back to normal in last 21 days he has been out nearly every night or the few times he is not out late he gets home 7.30 and watches TV. In short I feel neglected I have suggested that we have a 'date' night once a week but he won't diarise it so it doesn't happen. He says we see each other all the time.
I woke him up at 6am to say I was upset because we didn't spend time together like we used to. He said lets do next Tues and Wed. His view is that he is time pressed that is why we don't spend time together. But I feel that if he has a free night then he should spend it with me not playing football, drinking with friends, playing golf etc. Is this being selfish?
I no longer want to 'do' next Tues or Wed as frankly given I have had to beg him to spend time with me the attraction is no longer there. I feel like a stalker.
Other than the above everything else in the relationship is top drawer. I adore DH and really like spending time with him and just wish he still felt the same.

OP posts:
acnebride · 09/03/2006 14:49

Sorry LV this response is going to upset you I think. I hope not, but it's based on my views so you may feel differently.

I'd say take Tues and Weds, try to grit your teeth and have fun. Then at the end of Tues say 'It's been great, can we put another date in the diary, when suits you?'

I'm a total advocate of separate activities for both partners. I'm also an advocate of praise the positive, ignore the negative. Without wanting to sound like Anthea Turner, if things aren't great at the moment, try and make it clear how good it is spending time with him, when you do.

meowmix · 09/03/2006 14:58

LV this has really made me think (I have a thread running called Incredible Sulk). DH and I tend to watch TV/Read/study when home together and he's never said thats a prob but maybe it is after a day at home on his own with the world's shoutiest toddler. thanks

Lasvegas · 09/03/2006 15:05

Thanks acnebride. This site is so good for adding perspective. I agree with what you suggest as praising the positive is method I use with DD.

Maybe I am a bit sensitive in that we were both supposed to go away for w/e skiing DD had accident so I pulled out but he is still going. I am supposed to go out Thurs straight from work but he keeps having client meeetings so I cannot go. It is the old why does a mans life post kids stay pretty much the same but woman's doesn't!

OP posts:
Lasvegas · 09/03/2006 15:09

meomix - had a quick look at your thread. I don't know if this helps but I work full time as does DH. Despite a fulfilling career I still want to spend time with DH, I guess I must really like him or something!

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meowmix · 09/03/2006 15:09

I used to like mine!!

acnebride · 10/03/2006 09:42

ooch LV that's completely miserable. I guess i was manipulatively viewing the positive teeth-gritting stuff as a prelude to some fairly serious 'my time is as important as your clients' time you [insert]"

Lasvegas · 10/03/2006 12:35

Meow I had 3 other careers before I found one I really loved.

acnebride - last night told DH if he wasn't home by 10.45 he was sleeping in spare room, he wasn't home in time so slept in spare room. Think if I felt less sleep deprived would have better perspective on things. I have about 6.5 hours sleep a night and have had chest infection/ cold for 6 weeks I am so run down. DH offered to pay for me to see private GP on sat am but he is away for next 2 w/e so he cannot look after DD. Don't have the energy to drag DD across london also if I take her she misses ballet.

Think DH must feel guilty as he offered me a few hundred pounds to buy clothes. I am normally very indepedent - I pay entire mortgage, bills and nursery. DH pays for car and food bills and nights out (when we used to have them). But have decided am going to hit shops tomorrow to cheer myself up. May as well have his money if I cannot have his attention.

Come on acnebride get me to snap out of it. It is hardly the worst thing in the world that DH would sooner see his mates than his wife. But then again hasn't seen DD before bed since Mon and won't be home till Sun evening. Anyway am trying the positive thing you suggested and we are going out Sunday night (hoepfully we will have more energy than on work night).

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