Talking about another woman

[sickofhearingit]

I see a lot of threads on here that say frequent mentioning of a womans name then hearing no more about her is a massive red flag of an affair.

DP works with a woman who started at his work about 4 months ago. He mentioned her once or twice when she first started and then stopped mentioning her at all. However, in the past few weeks he has come home from work and complained about her most days. He is always talking about how irritating she is and how she has changed the dynamic of the office because all her male colleagues fancy her and are constantly trying to flirt with her.

I asked what she looked like (out of curiosity) and he said she was nothing special and had nothing going for her. I looked her up on facebook (we have a mutual friend) and she is actually quite a pretty girl (but is very rough looking ) Does any of this mean anything or am I over analysing?

If that's all you have to go on, I don't think he's shagging her. Is there something else worrying you?

No not really. I think I'm generally quite a paranoid person and when I saw she was attractive I instantly became worried! How shallow am I...

From my experience DH used to mention OW ( texting/sexting affair- no sex ,got found out before went physical) quite a bit in general conversation and he would get he odd text re work / weather conditions etc. and answer them in front of me.He also said a few disparaging comments eg. She's a bit loud and opinionated.She has some weird views. etc .
Then it all went quiet for several months except once when he got a bit flustered after a bad day and problems at work when he let slip she'd stayed behind to help him.I queried it at the time because I knew she wouldn't normally be around at that time,but only in genuine curiosity and with no suspicions or accusations whatsoever.I trusted him completely.
Now I Realize that when he stopped talking about her,but continue to tell me bits of gossip about other female colleagues / friends ,then that was when the flirting between them had intensified and the daily texting had gone beyond normal.

As Oldlady says its probable nothing actually going on,but trust your intuition.Try and talk generally more without accusing or seeming overly concerned and keep a quiet eye out for other changes of behaviour.eg. Guarding phone, becoming more detached.If you feel uneasy and you generally wouldn't could be something brewing.In hindsight I had a couple of instances of very minor unease.I wish I'd been more vigilant but how or why was I supposed to know?Fortunately her DH snooped on her phone.It could have been so much worse.It was bad enough.All the best.

Just sounds like she's a major pain in the ass, from what you've said!

Oh dear I don't want to give you sleepless nights!It is a tough call because he could well be expressing genuine irritation.Just re read your first post and it does sound as if he's pretty irritated with her.On the other hand other posters have also noted that there can be also be the case of someone protesting too much about colleagues/ friends faults as a kind of smokescreen for a developing interest/ crush.I don't think it's deliberately done in the early stages.More a subconcious defence mechanism because they know really they are getting a bit too interested / intrigued IYSWIM ?
And often it probably goes no further.Depends on the OW really and what signals she gives out and behaves.OW on my case I now know was a massive flirt .I only found out recently via someone who worked with her and my DH around the same time , just how 'up for it' she was and that she had previously got herself in a spot of bother with her predatory ways.Lovely.As you an imagine I have zero respect for her.Hopefully this woman at your DHs work is just a pain and not a predator!

Difficult one to call. My STBXH became very guarded with his phone and took it everywhere. He talked about OW incessantly, how he felt sorry for her etc whereas before he always criticised her. . the week before he left he stopped talking about her and withdrew from me. He stayed up late after I'd gone to bed so he could text her. he texted her over 100 times a day and emailed her daily and flirted with her on Facebook.

If you have noticed any of these things then maybe you do have something to worry about.

Just keep an eye out without getting paranoid but gut instincts should usually be followed I have learnt the hard way..

He isn't secretive with his phone - I don't think he even has her number. When he complains about her it's more along the lines of she's loud and annoying and always tries to be the centre of attention...