Is this the end?

[choccybox]

Hi

I've been with DP for 4 years and have 18mo DS. Sine baby was born our relationship has changed so much and I don't know if we can save relationship.
Issues
My lack of sex drive, he is very frustrated that we don't have sex as often as before. I am still BF, child doesn't sleep well, working full time and worn out!!
Trust, early in relationship we had trust issues (first 3 months). Since then all changed however he doesn't trust me, especially with
lack of sex.
Different family styles, I was brought up in family where we do lots of things together, his is opposite and since DS came he has not made a plan or suggested something we should do together
No romance, apart from asking for sex!

Sorry that was long but I don't know if we can overcome these difficulties. It seems like the more we don't have sex, the less trusting he is, the less trusting he is the less I want to have sex.

Your ideas and advice please

Sorry to hear you are having troubles. You are clearly exhausted, working full time with a small child. Does DP work full time too?

Sex is the bond that will hopefully bring you back together again but it sounds to me like he is just being demanding without being understanding - I can understand your situ having been there (albeit a long time ago!).

I'm afraid I don't have a solution other than talk to your DP about sharing chores and child-care after work in order to spend some time together. Could you possibly go away for a weekend as a family - something to do together and might bring you closer together?

Good luck.

You can overcome the difficulties if you still love & prioritise each other and are both willing to change and compromise. Young children are tiring and time-consuming but there are ways to create time for yourselves to reconnect as a couple and it's very, very important not to let the sexual side of your relationship suffer just because you are parents. Is there anyone, for example, that could take the baby off your hands for periods of time so that you could go out for a meal or go away together? Can you share household chores more equally or employ others to help? Could you work together on getting the baby to sleep through the night?

Thanks for your advice.

I do love him and want to be with him, it just seems we have become used to how things are.

I know we need 2 make time for ourselves which we don't do so I think I'll make a few evenings a week that we spend together once child asleep.

Think we both need 2 try 2 make things right.

Thanks again, more advice welcome.

Have you thought about Maybe stopping BF?

We found that as soon as stopped this, baby slept much better.

We also try to tire baby out by walking her as much as possible during the day. She used to be awful sleeper but now is so tired by being more active that she sleeps much better.

It is upsetting for DS if I attempt to stop BF and His sleeping is improving just not great. He goes to nursery a couple of days a week and the rest of the time we are always out and about doing stuff.

I think it's a combination of no couple time, me being worn out (dp is studying and does child are at weekends when im working) and feeling pressured because we are not having sex.

Is your baby still waking to be fed in the night?

Choccy can you explain the trust issue further please? Is he accusing you of going elsewhere?

The baby wakes sometimes, usually once or occasionally twice if I've been at work all day and not seen him.

He thinks because I am not having sex with him I must be going elsewhere. I am not and the fact he has such little trust in me makes me upset and angry.

It just seems so difficult sometimes.

I can imagine how frustrating that must beat have you told him how the accusations make you feel? If the issue is so loaded I can see why you aren't up for it.

Grammar and spelling all over the shop there, sorry!

Did you ever give him reason not to trust you?

You say he hasn't, but have you made a plan or suggested things you could do together?

"He thinks because I am not having sex with him I must be going elsewhere. "

That may be what he's saying but I think the reality is that he simply feels neglected. I think you feel the same way, tbh. Everyone wants to feel wanted & special and, even when life is busy, there are ways to achieve that. Takes effort and, with small children, planning but it's not impossible.

You sound a bit like me and DH were.

We bought a book called The Marriage Course. It's written by the Alpha Course people, so it is religious, but we chose to ignore those bits, which can easily be done. There is a text book, and work books you write on.

It gave us a framework to talk about our issues. And it gives ideas like going out for "dates" together etc.

A lot cheaper than counselling.