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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just found out...

17 replies

mousseschoice · 08/08/2012 02:52

Is anyone up?? Just found out my 'd'p of 5 years is cheating on me. I'm so so so angry!!!

OP posts:
NunTheWiser · 08/08/2012 02:58

Sad Angry
Yes, I'm up (diff continent). Are you absolutely sure? Do you have children?

izzyizin · 08/08/2012 02:58

How long has he been cheating on you for and how did you come to find out?

humblebumble · 08/08/2012 03:04

how awful. I am sorry.
No wonder you are angry.

Purplehonesty · 08/08/2012 03:09

Oh that's shit I'm sorry you are in this situation
Hug? Or maybe a stiff drink?

izzyizin · 08/08/2012 03:11

Stiff drink coming up Wine

mousseschoice · 08/08/2012 03:11

Yes we have 1 dd 2.8, i did the old fail safe of going thru the phone! No texts or calls but some new chat app thingy with a mans name and a girls picture with messages saying "i love and miss you".
I've suspected for a few months and this is just after a huge talk on how we were going to try to save our relationship!!

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 08/08/2012 03:12

I'm sorry, it totally hurts :( try to get some sleep and deal with it tomorrow x

izzyizin · 08/08/2012 03:42

I suggest you sit down with him later today and calmly say that, unlike the images he's chosen to save on his phone, it would seem that there is nothing left to save of your relationshp.

Note his response and if you're not happy with his explanation/body language, ask him to leave to give you time and space to process his betrayal.

Try to keep your cool and your dignity at all times as the less you appear to be affected, the more likely it is that he'll spill the beans.

seaofyou · 08/08/2012 03:51

So sorry don't have anything to add but (((hug)))

futureunknown · 08/08/2012 03:57

So sorry to hear this. Try and get some sleep so you have some energy tomorrow. Have you a spare room you can use?

NunTheWiser · 08/08/2012 05:20

Does your DP know that you've discovered the affair?

Babylon1 · 08/08/2012 05:31

So sorry for you op Sad
How're you doing?

mousseschoice · 08/08/2012 05:34

He doesn't know that i know yet. He's always been so secretive with his phone, so i waited until it's been on charge whilst he is asleep in dd's bed and she is asleep next to me.
I am so angry, the rage is unbelieveable!! I know he will blame me and say i've pushed him away etc. What a nob!!!
My main concern in my dd who loves her dad, but in my eyes he's not just done this to me, but to her too.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 08/08/2012 05:42

Can you forward images and messages to your phone so you have proof?

Get angry later if you can. Now is the time to be icy cold with your OH and show him you are not someone to be messed with in this way.

I'm sorry you're going through this misery.

izzyizin · 08/08/2012 06:01

Channel that rage into icy white glacial anger and make sure that every word you say counts.

If he tries to blame you for his infidelity by claiming that you pushed him away, give him a look of absolute disdain and contempt and say he'll now know what it's like to be pushed away because there's no way you'll get up close and personal with him again until he's been checked for stis.

Say also that, thanks to him being unable to keep his flies zipped, you will also need to be tested and putting you in that situation is hardly the act of an honourable man. Add that, as it appears he's not the man you thought he was, you very much doubt that you will ever be able to feel anything much for him again.

Let him have it with both barrels but do it in a very controlled way because you want every bullet to have maximum impact and deflate his ego.

Hold it together until he's left the house, at which time you can kick the shit out of a cushion or vent here.

Seriously, losing the plot because you can't control your anger is not a smart move. You need to be completely in control of the situation so as to convince him that he's not such a clever boy after all - and if he has been having it off with an ow he will be full of himself.

He needs to be despatched with his tail between his legs. Go to it, sister, - you can do this!

BellaOfTheBalls · 08/08/2012 06:05

Agree with izzy you need to be calm and not ranty. How utterly rubbish for you. Take screen shots of chat stuff and send them to you phone or email if you can.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 09/09/2012 18:49

Just saw this and though its ages on wondered if you're ok x

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