I feel like a nobody now

[OttilieBee]

I am a regular, I have name changed. I don't know exactly how I got here but I don't seem to know who I am any more or what I want. I have been with DP for 14 years and we have 2dc. I gave up work when DC1 was born despite being the higher wage earner and loving my job. I tried to leave baby with DP but baby fell out of chair and banged his head, DP is selfish, lazy and has problems with his memory and various compulsive behaviours. Soon after I had DC I found he was watching porn, it took 8 years to rid this from our lives :(

I now run a small business from home but it's getting harder financially, he refuses to help and work longer hours, he does virtually nothing at home. The children wholly rely on me despite the fact that DP is here so much. He can't drive, he won't take them anywhere and they don't want his company. Neither do i ! I am now having to look after my elderly father as well who has......memory problems. I feel so sad, so tired and so depressed, I have no one to talk to. All of my friends stayed away when I got with DP and I haven't the confidence to make new ones. My best friend, my mum died in October. I tried to talk to DP but as is usual he walks away, leaves the room and goes back to playing computer games :(

I don't know how I would cope on my own financially and I am scared, I feel he has undermined me as a woman and now he undermines me by ignoring me, not remembering anything I say, not responding when I ask for help with money or the children. I feel so small. I don't know what I expect people to say, probably I have just made silly choices.

We all make bad choices... Trick is to stop the bad choice ruining a perfectly good life by carrying on regardless. If what's holding you back from showing him the door is a fear of coping solo financially then my advice is to get yourself as much information as possible. Knowledge is power in this situation and you can get the information you need from places like CAB, family law solicitors, Women's Aid etc. You may end up having to make a few sacrifices but you may also find you're better off than you think. What price freedom and peace of mind?

Also, get in touch with old friends and family. They'd love to hear from you, you'll probably need their support, and I'm sure they'll be delighted if you ask for their help getting DP out of the picture. Ask them to come and stay, perhaps?

So sorry to hear all that's going on for you.

It must be really difficult to lose your mum on top of everything else. Your dh sounds really unsupportive, could you not leave?

Could your father recieve any help from ss?

I rubbish at giing advice, hopefully someone with more experience will be along soon.

NaturalGB, you'r not rubbish at giveing advice, you are very kind.

I don;t have anywhere to go, my father lives next door so I can't really move. My business isn't really going anywhere and having read all the info on UC I am very afraid I would be left with virtually nothing, caring for DC and father on my own. I don't even have any siblings to help or even talk to.

I'm trying to type but I am crying, I feel so worn down. DP got angry with me because I cried when he ignored me in favour of his game, I just stood in the door way and cried. I feel so small.

I am going to start work on doing the books again, I need to get my accounts up to speed and look into what income I actually have, I will see if I can find the entitled to calculator. I just think that I need to invest all income in stock to ever see a return but in doing so I would be hard pushed to get them to accept my actual earnings are so low.

DP has got in a strop and stomped off to sleep on the sofa....again. He is unhappy because I am keeping him awake. Despite the fact that he has woken me up every night for the past two weeks because he can't sleep. I tried to speak to him because I think he is depressed, has been for a long time which might be the cause of his lack of motivation, or is just plain selfishness. I don't know any more.

Thank you Cog, I think I need to see gp, happy pills perhaps, maybe then I might be able to tackle the CAB and actually start to think clearly.