Advice on how to leave with no money?

[namechange87]

I need to leave Dp. I'm sick of emotional and financial abuse. He doesn't help at all and goes out constantly (sometimes with other women). He's selfish and nasty. I need advice of the best way to leave as I have no money and a ds of 1. I can't make him leave as its his house.

I have posted this in another topic aswell, not sure which it applies to.

Woman's aid. They will get you to a refuge and on the council priority lists.

I second WA. You can also contact Shelter. The council will house you but it may be in a temporary hostel or B&B for a few weeks and you may be in further temporary accommodation before finding a permanent house or flat.

My advice is to apply for Income Support, Child Tax etc immediately if you can. It can take up to 14 working days to process but you do get it backdated to the day you claimed. You'll be eligible for a crisis loan too to get you through until the benefits kick in. They are interest free but you do pay them back out of a small portion of your benefit every week.

Good luck.

Thank you for your replies. I'm just so sick of having to put up with his shit. I'm pretty sure he is having an affair, not sure if it's physical but definatly emotional. For some reason I find that hurts more. He is never nice any more, always has something to critise and everything is always my fault. I do work part time but it all goes straight back out again. I pay for everything for ds. He refuses to pay for food etc says he doesn't like what I buy, fair enough he can buy his own, but then he eats what I have bought. Sorry to drip feed but I didn't have much time earlier on.

Yes, there are refuges out there for women in exactly your position. You don't have to have experienced violence. They will house you in the refuge, preferably away from where your DP lives, until you can find somewhere more permanent. They may want to move you, if keeping your job is important to you, you should still phone up and ask what would happen, as they may be able to offer some other help or advice. The phone number is 0808 2000 247 - it's free from a land line. You may also have a local domestic violence phone number, google for this, but remember to use private browsing mode on your computer (probably best to do that for this thread as well, and delete your history from today) so that there are no traces left in the history or visited sites.

You can go down the council route but it will depend on their assessment whether it is "reasonable" for you to remain where you are and can take some time. Some councils offer a deposit scheme to enable people without access to money to rent a house or flat, but not all landlords and very few agencies will accept this, so again, it can take some time.

If you have any way of getting hold of around £1-2000, you could look for a private rental in secret and claim benefits to support yourself.

Do you have anyone at all who could put you up for some time? I went to stay with my sister when I left an abusive marriage. She made it clear to the council that she wasn't willing/able to put me up permanently and because we were sharing her tiny flat I was given homelessness and overcrowding points. It meant I could apply for council housing but was able to wait for a flat without going into their B&B (which would have been awful for DD).

I could move back in with my family but it would be very, very over crowded and we get on well now but never when I stayed with them pre-baby. I imagine it would be a lot worse if we were living on top of each other. I will go back there though as I don't want to go down the homeless/womens aid route (worry about effect on ds), until I find somewhere for myself and ds on our own though. I was worried about access issues, Dp will not go down without a fight and have been worried that he would use the over crowding issue as a way to get custody of ds. I'm obv the primary carer and Dp has no patience or sense of responsibility with ds. He would just do it because he can and is a selfish, unreasonable arsehole.

Then you should seek legal help and consider a hostel/refuge as he won't be able to visit you if you are with them.

Access.... Do you have welfare concerns?

Refuge.... You will be classed as officially homeless and be at the top if the list for social housing. With your family you will be classed as adequately housed and be a low housing priority

P wouldn't hurt or abuse ds but he has no patience with him, sits and doesn't interact with ds, just watches tv for example. He is really lazy, doesn't change him enough, most of the time when he has him for a day when I'm at work he doesn't even get him dressed, never mind take him out. It's a major worry that he would get custody as he's in full time work where I am part time and going to re train at university and he has a lively 2 bed house whereas I would be back in with my mother/at refuge.

Lovely not lively.

No. He wouldn't get full residency. The courts look to keep things stable. So as you are the 'main carer' he will remain with you. Also, being in a refuge does not go against you. Court proceedings aren't quick. So chances are you will be settled in a new home by the time it gets to a judge. If he pays up and takes you to court that is.

He would without a doubt take me to court unless everything was on his terms. He's very controlling. Has been controlling me for years and im only just putting a stop to it. I dont hate the ow, I feel sorry for her, she has this coming if things develop between them. People think he's so charming.

We were very overcrowded too (sleeping in living room with Dsis as her dc were in the bedroom in a 1-bed) and it was tough, but that meant that we weren't considered to be adequately housed as we were sharing facilities (bathroom and kitchen) with their household. But if you go to stay with family and there is enough space for you, they won't consider you to be overcrowded and you won't reach their priority threshold. You'll be able to check out the criteria on your council's website.