The power of the OW

[pineapplecube]

How does this woman manage to change a person so much...from a fairly rational human to a hideous nasty piece of work that puts her before his little child.

It's not the power of the ow....it's the weakness of the man.

She may not have done anything to change him, maybe he is just showing his true colours.

The OW didn't do that, your partner did. Take it up with him.

He chose her, he's changing for her (or perhaps being true with her). Not her.

I agree its mostly the man but what sort of selfish nasty bitch goes with a married man with kids. Id send her a thankyou card for taking the twunt of your hands.

No-one can can change someone's personality. He's always been selfish but now he has someone else to conveniently blame.

I'm really sorry you are hurting so much OP. Start a thread if it would help, but focus on what happened and how you and your child are feeling right now. It's normal to want to lash out when you're in so much pain and it's much easier to do that against the collaborator for whom there is no residual love and attachment. Logically, you know that no one person is invested with the power to change someone unless he consents to it, but it's often hard to be rational when you're in shock or pain, or when you see your child suffering because of other people's actions. One day this will pass and you will find that you'll start healing once you divest the OW of the power to make you unhappy.

Power generally is something that we give to others, but the good thing is that we can take it away just as easily. It's a matter of making a conscious decision that we won't allow people for whom we've got no respect, to have the power to control our lives. It might help you to think of it in these terms, because the only one who is giving your ex and his OW the power to hurt you and your child is you. Your best resolve is to live well, work towards being happy again, take pride in the stability you are offering your child.......and don't beat yourself up if you're hurting and angry at times along the way. As long as you move on to putting the blame where it's deserved (both of them IMO) you're making progress.

Great post charbon.

OP, what I fail to understand is why the OW doesn't realise that the man she 'wins' is by his very actions admitting to be a selfish, morally deficient liar, who is prepared to cheat on his wife and will always put his own happiness first, even above that of his own children. That's karma for you, right there!