support for emotional eaters!!

[DippyDoohdah]

Having had some really solid support on MN, I thought itwould be worth seeing if there are many other women who find themselves eating in order to occupy their minds, temporarily console themselves and to keep feelings pushed down!? Its got to the point where I have gone from voluptuous to matronly..not feeling my za za zing anymore! Really need to address weight for my health.its the evenings where I sit and pick, think, and also the evenings when I go on MN..so I thought, combine the two, and anyone else who sees something like this in themselves? Maybe we can support each other.

How is the low-carb / no-carb going dippy and freaklikeme? Is it helping cravings and mood?

I am definitely going to the docs this week and asking for a Gluten intolerance test, I had some processed white bread for breakfast yesterday and was very, very ill not long after . I want to just cut gluten out now but I am worried my test results won't be accurate if I do, but I am not going to eat any refined carbs if I can help it from now on. I hope this helps with my moods / sugar highs and lows. Not sure if I will be able to cut out sugar at the same time though!

So all of you, what psychological tool, such as specific overeating counselling, self-help books, have any of you used, and which did you find useful, if any? I am waiting for some counselling free through DPs work at the moment, and I am hoping five sessions of face to face alongside addressing my diet is going to do wonders, but I realise it probably won't. I need to take control of my life ultimately, stop smoking, sort out my relationship with DP and stop comfort eating. I have never been a big one for self-help books but I need support doing this, and as someone said upthread none of my skinny mates seem to understand.

Hi 8 rubber...am going well on it..tho need to cut the vino out if want to see best weight loss! Know I do not have to totally cut out carbs but I have done for the last 4 days and, coincidental or not, have felt great.I did slimming world before and whenever tried to sort self, would not really stick to it.is it just a new way of thinking that has got me motivated for first in a long time? Do not know.but have been really quite depressed and very tired...in the last 4 days I have had my mojo back! AND not felt hungry x

Hi, have read the thread but first chance i've had to post on it. I think I need to address the underlying issues before I get anywhere with a food plan . However, I have great difficulties as I can't stand salad / vegetables so filling up on those is not an option. I didn't like these as a small child but a family member tried to force feed me them frequently as they 'should be eaten' and I was 'being ridiculous', resulting in me being physically sick and I think they did more damage than if I had been left alone. Tastes change as we go through life, and I don't think I would be as bad with all those items, but will never really know.
I would love to join a gym, but it it expensive and I'm too embarrassed to go for a sign up as I have been told they weigh and measure you etc. Would also find it hard as I would feel like the super fit people were looking down at me
I would really love some soup recipes if anyone has them as I can cheat myself with vegetables this way by blending them (I know this sounds ridiculous ) I feel like a child. I have to do something, I hate myself. I don't want to be a stick, I was happy at a size 16. But 2 babies, a miscarriage and a whole load of stress later I am far from that. I desperately need a job as well, and think my appearance will be a disadvantage, especially when it affects my self confidence in this way.

Sorry for the huge post

Delilah...this thread is Not about food plans, do not let that put you off.that's just a couple if us trying good advice x this thread is exactly what it says on the tin.use it to the best of your advantage...PS .when did not have 2ds at home, and no baby sitter, I did the gym and I was 'voluptuous'....the gym bunnies that are there, in so called perfect shape, are just desperate for attention! They love you to look! Never let them put you off! And welcome x x

Hi 8rubber, I'm thrilled because it doesn't feel like a diet. I'm eating the same food as everyone else in work (just without the bread/carbs) so I don't feel deprived. Thats very important to me and it means I will stay on this for the long term.

I tried all the books, counselling, hypnotherapy etc routes before and nothing really helped me. The only book that resonated with me somewhat was 'Hungry' by Allen Zadoff, a sad but funny tale about an American man who lost half his body weight. He was an emotional/comfort eater all his life and to read what he went through and how he overcame it was very inspiring.

Delilah - the great thing about a low carb diet is that you don't have to eat lots of veg, it would really be suited to you.

I know how you feel delilah [hug]
I can't go to a gym either but when I'm in a "good" phase I use fitness DVDs at home (my favourite one is the 30-day shred). Walking is also great for your body and your mood.

Thank you for the replies. Had a powercut so couldn't get back on. Dvd is a great idea. I thought of getting a dance type one thinking I could make it fun and the kids could join in if they wanted... I do think that I need to resolve a lot of issues before I can get very far, as I know I will lapse when I am emotional / feeling down / something goes wrong. I just don't know how to begin to approach it. I've considered asking tha gp to refer me for counselling, but not convinced i'll cope with that as you can't get much out in an hour, and then i'd probably work myself up even more after it / between sessions. Bit lost really. Very glad to have found this thread though. A big thank you to the OP

Aaaah Delilah that's lovely thank you.am so glad I put this thread on as so much more wisdom and advice on here than I could have ever mustered...was it you or someone else that said about counselling through dp work? A good counsellor will help each week...and lots can come out in an hour so try it...also these threads can be like invaluable counselling, so keep posting and we are here for you x x x

Hi all! Some great support on this thread. Thanks!
Delilah - counselling def is worthwhile. I had a few sessions with one last year and it helped me see a lot of things clearly, like my attraction to emotionally unavailable men.....
I've gone swimming twice this week so far and feel I've eaten less in the evening :-)
My counsellor sent me this video vimeo.com/15422442 I felt I was looking in the mirror!

DippyDooDah, Delilah it is me who has got some counselling through my partner's work. He has AXA cover, and although I am not covered for anything medical, for some reason I do have access to their counselling service. I am entitled to 5 hour-long sessions and 24-hour access to a counsellor on the phone for the duration, I am just waiting for a referral to someone in my area. We couldn't afford counselling otherwise as one of the stresses we have at home is money, so I feel really lucky. Once I have had some counselling on my own we are then going to have some couple's counselling. We had some before but it was shite hollow .

I was not going to bring up my eating habits in the counselling before but I think I will now, as my weight is making me miserable. I used to be a happy size 16 as well, but 2 children down the line I am now just squeezing into size 20 jeans.

Delilah google Covent Garden Soup Company recipes, they have a really good recipe book of soup, soup and nothing but soup. My son won't eat many veg (or soup) and I make a tomato sauce for pasta by sauteeing loads of different veg and pureeing them and stirring them into a basic tomato pasta sauce, you should be able to eat that if you eat soup?

PS I missed a full stop after shite, otherwise without it my tentative use of clever crossing out just looks, erm, shite.

Thanks again for helpful replies. Is it possible to get counselling for depression via NHS? I definitely can't afford to go private as we are also broke. The Tax credits changes have impacted us really badly. We actually have less money than we would if we didn't work - many people are keen to try to contradict this but it is true, I have sat down and worked it all out
I think I just need to offload 30+ years of hurt and shite, and see if I can start again. I was skinny as a child, and although I would never go back that far (hips wouldn't allow it anyway!), I just need to feel happier and healthier. It doesn't help that 'junk' food is cheaper than healthy food, and also quicker and makesyoufeelbetter easier when in a hurry.

Delilah as well as tax credits cuts there have also been substantial cuts in our local PCT's budget for counselling on the NHS, I went to my GP and I was offered counselling but with a really long waiting list, it is worth a try though, there is some available out there. I am on the list but managed to get some sorted through DP's work a lot quicker.

I posted on another thread yesterday that if you Google free counselling in your area you will probably find something, especially if you fit into certain groups, such as women, or people who have experienced abuse in the past, or in need of bereavement counselling. Your local Mind office will have a resources page on their website as well with lists of free and subsidised counselling. I may sound like I know too much about all of this but I used to work in mental health and I am now a housing / debt adviser, so know how to sort everyone else's shit out but not my own!

We had our tax credits stopped this year as well and it has had a massive impact on our household budget. My DP has just been declared insolvent too so I am now in charge of all the finances and I am struggling to stretch the money every month. Thankfully our oldest starts school in September so our childcare costs will reduce a bit from October, but we will still be in the red every month.

Thank you for this thread ! My big problem is sugary stuff...I have a very good general diet (as in lots of fruits/veg), I don't get hungry but if I'm upset/down/happy I'll reach for chocolate/sweets. I'm going to read that thread.

I've been reading the "when you eat at the refrigerator pull up a Chair " book by Geneen Roth recommended in this thread. It's a bit psychobabbly in places but today for the first time in ages I've eaten what I fancied without gorging myself and without guilt.

Ok, so today I've eaten a bagel with a slice of cheese, a pasty and an icecream , roasted veg and houmous and a punnet of strawberries which is not the healthiest, I know, but far from a binge. Normally if I'd had a pasty I would have felt I'd blown a diet and carried on eating and this time I just enjoyed it and then got on with my day.

I would love to eat like a thin person; just to eat when hungry and stop when full and today I feel I made a step in the right direction.

does that make sense to anyone?

zookeeper that makes loads of sense to me. I look at my friends and family with a healthy relationship with food and wish I had the same off switch as them.

I have been doing really well the last few days, cut down but not cut out the carbs, and have been eating lots of lentils and pulses instead. It seems to have stabilised my blood sugar a bit and am not having such intense cravings for sugar and stodge. I think it has helped that things are difficult with DP, so I feel a bit sick with nerves at the moment and not so hungry .

There is alcohol in my house. It wouldn't even occur to me to drink it. So why can't I be in the kitchen without opening the biscuit cupboard?
On the "positive" side, it has been so hot in France (39°C this weekend) that I find myself eating less.

Javotte can I ask you about the 30-day shred, as you said upthread it is one of your favourites? Is it a complete killer if you are not very fit? I have heard bad things about it buggering your knees (can't remember if it was on this thread or another one), and I have dodgy knees from collapsed arches (extra weight carried throughout my pregnancies actually squashed my feet ). I want to try it out but I am worried it will hurt , and as I only do walking exercise at the moment will be too much for me.

Hi 8rubberduckies!
I was a bit lighter and fitter (size 16) when I tried the shred. It was a killer for a few days, then it was OK, and the results were amazing esp. on my upper body. I don't know about the knees - mine were OK.

interesting abou the alcohol Javotte. I am the same. I can easily have an open bottle of wine in the fridge for weeks. But biscuits? Unthinkable.

Wouldn't it be lovely to feel the same way about food? I am aiming for this. I can't imagine how or if I will ever get there - will try another Roth book I suppose.

Maybe I will take my question about 30-day shred over to the dreaded dieting threads, thanks though Javotte. I also love wine and will have a glass or two of an evening if there is one open.

So tired tonight but re marking place x

It's nice to see the support here, and be able to say how you feel. I am the same with alcohol. I hardly ever bother in the house. Savoury snacks and I just can't help myself
I have been feeling rubbish lately, so no inspiration to get out and do stuff. Terrible headaches really don't help, and verging on insomnia in the nights, just can't sleep. It's quite often light before I go to sleep, then have to be up with the DCs.
Need a new me....

Skipping straight through to the end of the thread so apologies if this has been mentioned before but

This book , Why Can;t I Stop Eating? totally changed my life. Addresses food addiction; h-u-g-e relief to me to realise it is an addiction and, as such, the 'remedy' is abstinence from whichever foods are your trigger - in my case, sugar ie sugar addiction (and in most cases, tbh).

SO - if I eat sugar (or simple carbs) I'm lost. It's all or nothing, like an alcoholic with alcohol - if I start eating it I set up the craving and there is no 'stop' button. Interestingly, there is a theory that some part of alcoholism is actually addiction to the sugar in alcohol. I have alcoholics right back through my family line, both sides ie ma and pa.

I don't buy in sugar/sugary food because if I do, I'm lost. I've just had foreign students staying over the summer and managed to fob them off with fruit and yoghurt for pudding - though I don't buy the individual, sugary yoghurts but a big pot of natural yoghurt and add fruit, honey, nuts (though no honey for me). I know from experience that if I buy in puddings they don't last until the students get home for supper! Not a chance, actually. If I make a pudding (never buy them in), I make sure it is polished off because, even if I dont particularly like it, it will find it's way to my mouth when no-one's around...

I've been reading a lot about narcissism lately - I'm getting to the point, don't worry - and I recognised something: that narcissists look outside for validation/love/whatever, and I recognise that in my overeating: ie looking outside for the good stuff; not getting it, or not knowing how to get it, from within. does that make sense?

I also highly recommend OA if you are a compulsive overeater. Over a lot of years I have developed skills, techniques, knowledge about combatting food addiction and these have become second nature. I know what to avoid and I also don't get into that self-loathing thing because I know it is an addiction that I can't control iyswim, which is 9/10s of the battle imo. I can't control it but I can employ knowledge and techniques - and total abstinence.

I cook mostly from scratch because a lot of prepared foods have added sugar. I also try to pay for petrol at the pump to avoid the chocolate displays at the till. etc. That said, one of my foreign students was a sugar addict like me and had a carrier bag full of choc in his room. Did I touch it? NO . Mind you, if I had just had the one, I would have polished it all off and not been mindful of the massive boundary violation .

I'm not suggesting I'm perfect btw - I have my moments (just had a long moment, actually), but I climb straight back on once the splurge is over. aiming for no splurges, of course. I'll get there

huge post and apologies if I sound like a know-all I'm convincing myself

Oh dear... today is so not going to be a good day I think I have been worse lately anyway, as I have had a lot of emotional realisations and retrospectively, I can see they have rocked me more than I thought.
I don't have anyone to talk to in RL.... I can't face it. I think it's lacking the trust to have confidence in someone, especially for them to keep it to themselves.
I can't go the suggested route above, and avoid triggers because there isn't any one particular thing. I can take or leave sweet foods, so it isn't sugar.
I just want to stay in bed today and not see anyone.