Strategies for Separation

[Whover]

I have decided that I need to separate from my husband. I have very little independent finances (we have a joint account). I have no money of my own but I do know that I do not want to be in this marriage long-term. He isn't a bad man but doesn't give me what I need. We don't share a bedroom and haven't had sex for years. I desperately miss intimacy and it's now past the point where I want it with him. I suppose, in short, I'm asking for help in working towards separating. We have two DC under the age of 13, he earns a decent amount of money but we have a large mortgage, so not much spare. How do people who have no financial independence move on this? How do they separate? Do they secretly filter off money into a separate bank account??? If I leave then do I give up any rights I may have to the house (in both our names currently)? I just have no idea about how to even start making tracks in this direction. I just know I can't live the way I am for the rest of my life.

Talk to a solicitor or get an appointment with CAB. As you are married with children there are certain rules and conventions for financial arrangements and, of course, you're also free to come to your own settlement outside of that. The house, for example, is regarded as a marital asset that belongs equally to both of you. Some people buy each other out. Others just walk out and hand the place over. Some sell the property, take an equal share of the proceeds and use it as a down-payment on somewhere new. Others come to an arrangement where they stay in the property until the children are 18, the non-resident parent pays towards the mortgage etc., and the house is sold at the end. Depends on what can be afforded

Getting some of your own money together is important, I'd say. Even if you're not earning, you can arrange for CB and any Tax Credits to go into your account. Doesn't have to be secret.

Get some professional advice