just need some perspective on this please. Been seeing man for a year.
Me: Live alone, crap area, bad parking etc. No family in the UK apart from a distant relationship with my mum. Dad dead. Few friends and the good ones I have live abroad. Busy job which involves travelling a lot. Lots of aquaintances. I have an 20 year old son who is living and working in Dubai for a year and we skype etc.
Him: Lives alone, big house, fab job, well off. Estranged from his parents and brother, few friends and they live miles away, has 2 children but its not an easy relationship as they dont help him, eldest one is sullen and can be quite nasty to him. Own business.
So we get together. He developed strong feelings for me very quickly. He quickly wanted to know whether we had a future. Wanted to be financially together. I have 2 houses. My mum and I did a house swap when my son was at Uni. He wanted me to sell the house my mum is in, move her back (even though she didnt want to go) and he and I would pool our finances and live together with me "wanting for nothing"
I did and do love him but I dont want to uproot my mum and financially I do ok. TBH I wasnt sure what I wanted to do. I am starting a course for 2 years in Sept and I was going to see how it panned out before I made such huge financial decisions.
He wants a "normal" life. He wants a "family unit" because he lost it all when he divorced his wife when she had affairs. I didn?t gel very well with his children as they ignored me and never said thanks for presents etc. He never addressed this but expected me to be there with his children nevertheless.
There were some other things that made me think about making this commitment
He would withdraw affection when he wasn?t feeling so good in his own mind
He had fallen out with his neighbours and many of his friends. Many people didn?t include him in things. For instance his friend got engaged yet he found out through another friend and they were very hesitant to talk to him about arrangements etc.
He would not want to speak to me for a week or so if he had a row with his children
Then his mood would change and he would be fantastic again
He told me he knew many nasty people
He said he had shut off his emotions after so many people had taken the piss
He hated me reading my book but wouldn?t say it at the time, only after
He has finished with me saying ?the relationship wont work and I am taking the piss?
I then get upset and he takes me back
He told me at the weekend that a couple of his friends said I was ?extremely rude?. These are friends I have never spoken to.
He said he finds it hard to sleep with me as I breathe loudly
Last night he told me its finally over as I don?t include him in my life, I am not committed and he needs to move on with his life. He said he doesn?t want me there cleaning and being there when he is at home. He said he needs to get rid of the bad stuff in his life and I am one of those things. He said I will never change and he has wasted a year being with me but he will chalk it up to experience. He said I have blown it and this is what I wanted. This was after a conversation where he was telling me I was anti-social and I said out of frustration that maybe he needs to find someone who is more social than me. But I didn?t mean it that way.
I am so upset. I loved him, never criticised him yet I feel this is all my fault as I don?t have much of a life to introduce him to being pretty insular myself. For the majority of the time we had a wonderful time together, he was generous, kind and loving.
How do I move on? I feel very hurt and is this normal to feel like this?