advice on a sil please

[robinw]

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Yes _ I reckon do anything to keep lines of communication open

My experience of male relatives is that they are v. bad at keeping in contact, preferring or maybe expecting their respective wives/partners to do it all. My dad never contacts his brother but tells my mum to ring them; my mum keeps in contact with all her brothers but they never ring each other; my brother's wife rings my mum and my sister and myself, my dh never calls his brothers but his elder bother's wife rings us (she is blamed for everything under the sun by his family but I think she is a lovely woman). I would therefore keep the lines open with your sil.

Robin I know my DH's family bad-mouth me as the one who makes their little boy have nothing to do with them. This is despite the fact that I try to support DH rather than sticky-beak into his family affairs.

There have been problems in his family forever so it isn't me. Makes me paranoid though!

So, maybe things aren't what they seem.

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Agree that men are often not as good at contacting relatives. Also agree that some partners feel threatened if their other half keeps friendly with those they were close to in their distant past. So in other words, robinw, don't take your sil's aversion personally.

Two things occurred to me. Is she like this with all your brother's old friends and other relatives, siblings etc? if not, then any clue why she is like this with you?

Also, does your sil buy a present for your dd? if not, definitely stop the giving of gifts to her children.

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Ah, that's tough, RW. I feel for you a bit, now. My Mom died this year, too. I want to keep contact with my nieces and & nephew, but their mothers and their dad (& uncle, my brothers) are nuts!! Not hostile like your SIL seems to be, but still they are difficult. They stress me out. And I have family responsibilities where my brothers' inheritances are concerned, so I have to keep some contact, anyway.

It sounds like maybe your brother has decided to devote his energy to his wife & theirs, and all you can do is try to keep up regular contact, even if it's through SIL, hoping that things will get smoother in the future.

Robinw, I think I'd try to maintain some kind of contact, but I wouldn't make much effort and I'd keep it all brief and friendly since they don't reciprocate.