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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't get on with SD, never had. Do I have good reason or am I paranoid? (Long one, sorry.)

7 replies

Logo · 05/08/2012 20:01

I have always been uncomfortable with this but I was speaking to dh about it the other day and he said it was strange and slightly inappropriate. In other words he wouldn't do any of this himself.

Its regarding my step dad. Mum met him when I was 7. I didn't really take to him. The first time I met him he put my new mouse toy in a pint of beer. Hmm

Anyway, mum and him got married quickly, within 7 months of meeting, he moved in. He used to hit my mum on a fairly regular basis, a few times in front of me. This in turn made me dislike him even more than I did anyway. I wouldn't say he made a particular effort to 'become my father figure' for want of a better phrase, but wanted me to see him as 'Dad'.

Thats a bit of background in case its relevant.

The oddness imo is :

-He used to walk around naked. Mainly at night time, but he would always walk from the bathroom to his bedroom after a bath, after drying himself with a towel and leaving it there. If he went to the loo in the night, although this one I can kind of understand.

-He always used to leave the bathroom door open, whether it was for a pee/shit/bath, it was always open.
He used to take the locks off the bathroom doors. I told my mum once it made me uncomfortable and wanted a lock (teenager, privacy and all) , she asked him to put one on and shut the door, it never happened.

-He used to snoop through my room occasionally. The reason I found out was because he used to pull me up on things like my washing pile, or cups that should be in the kitchen etc.

-He used to play 'games' . He used to take one of my favourite toys and hold it out of my reach and make me try and get it from him. Fine, until I got upset and wanted it back, then he would throw it out the window. Hmm

-He used to say I would be pretty if...I has different colour hair or lost a bit of weight etc. I must have been 12+

I'm sure theres more but I cant think at the moment. Confused

Dh has said he would never do any of the things I have listed. Especially once that child had reached teenage years because it could make things uncomfortable.

I have no idea what I'm getting at here. I have never liked him, I have no respect for him after the way he has treated my mum in the past. They seem ok-ish now but I feel really uncomfortable around him even though I barely see him now. If I visit my mum I tend to try and go in the week when I know he is working and I will not let myself be alone with him. Gut just tells me to get out.

Is it me being stupidly paranoid, is he just a comfortable in my own skin person and I am just looking for more reason not to like him? Or is it odd?

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 05/08/2012 20:04

Yanbu. He sounds thoroughly unpleasant. Have you ever spoken to your mum? It may be she wants a way out even after all these years.

Xales · 05/08/2012 20:05

It's not odd. It is plain wrong and vile.

Spice17 · 05/08/2012 20:06

He sounds like a creepy, intimidating, disgusting, bullying, perve. Honestly, that's my impression, sorry. Maybe that's what you wanted confirmation of? Horrible to grow up in that kind of atmosphere :(

Logo · 05/08/2012 20:10

As a kid I could never understand why she would risk putting me at risk with the way he was. He never hit me until I hit 16 and tried to run out the door one night. He grabbed my throat, my mum saw and did fuck all. :(

She loves him, simple as. She won't leave him now, they have a child together who is 10 and as far as I know my brother hasn't witnessed what I did. I think he may have pulled it together when he was born. Timings kind of tie in.

Thing is, to everyone else he comes across as a decent nice bloke. Even I have been shocked at how nice and generous he can be.

Mum and I don't have the best relationship, we talk about nothing personal because I know I'm not just talking to her I am talking to her, him and my grandparents . I really don't know if I could bring it up.

OP posts:
Naoko · 05/08/2012 20:11

You had me at "He used to hit my mum on a fairly regular basis, a few times in front of me.". Of course you are fully reasonable to dislike a man who hits your mum!

The rest of it is awful too. Vile, nasty, creepy and a whole bunch of similar adjectives.

Logo · 06/08/2012 00:36

Not me being paranoid then? Phew.

Just wish my mum had better taste :(

Its always going to be something I keep a eye on because of my little brother. No kid should have to witness anything like that and I will bring it up if I think it starts again.

OP posts:
heyheypresto · 06/08/2012 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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