DH lied about porn.

[MmeNamechange]

I know this completely serves me right for being such a nosy sod.
My DH left his email inbox open on the browser yesterday. Before I closed it I scanned the list of messages (seeing one from a shoe company made me all excited- until I realised it was the pair of work shoes he'd ordered for me at the beginning of June) and I saw an email from a porn website confirming his registration from a couple of months ago. Not exactly your standard porn either, but something that has me thinking
A few weeks back we were discussing his mates' porn habits, and I casually asked him if he used much porn. To my face he tolds me he didn't with such sincerity and a faint air of contempt that I was completely convinced. I would've bet my life he was telling the truth.
We have in the past watched porn together so he knows I'm not massively bothered by it.
It's not the porn (well, maybe a bit- it was unusual,) it's the barefaced lie he told. I just feel that if he can lie so convincingly about something so inconsequential, how can I tell if he lies to me in future about anything bigger in future?
I know I should never have invaded his privacy, but I really thought he had nothing to hide.

Well at least now you know he can lie and is good at it!

It's a shame he had to hide it though, maybe you could come at it from that angle and try to open up communication with him.

It's also worth considering why its so important to you that you need to know everything he does. If you look then you have to expect the unexpected.

He said he didn't use much, not that he didn't look at any, so it's not even a lie. You have also watched it with him in the past.
Please bear in mind that you do not own him and he has a right to some privacy.

What was so unusual about the porn? I would agree that the lying would bother me far more than the porn. Why would he feel the need to lie to you about it?

I tried to talk to him about our sex life the other night and asked him if there was anything he wanted to try, any fantasies etc. Leaving it wide open for him to say 'Well, actually..'
We've got LOs though, so sex is infrequent, but still enjoyable.
Think this is just a private thing to be honest, but I don't know why he'd have to lie to me about it.
It does bother me though, that he's looking at this stuff whilst claiming he's happy with our sex life.

Would rather not say what the porn was as I'm feeling a bit embarrassed as it is.
I phrased the question as 'do you use much porn?', i.e. casually. He just said he didn't, that it didn't interest him. We watched porn together several years ago, but we didn't get much from it (watching the wrong stuff, clearly).
I know I don't 'own' him and we are entitled to have secrets from each other, but from a sexual point of view I thought I knew him.

Another thing that really irks me about this is that money is tight at the moment. He was questioning the cost of my haircut the other day (It was £35 and it is over 18 months since I had one). I won't be having it cut again for as long probably. The site he's registered with is £25 a month (I checked,) so he's obviously got cash for this.

Hmmm.......my h was exactly like this, and it turned out that he was msning young girls on line for sexual conversations. He had always said he hated that sort of thing, and also that affairs were immature etc etc.

I found out after 5 years of finding photos which were apparently 'accidentally downloaded with music from torrent sites' which I was tempted to believe for a long time. Until I found the fifth one, and began to question why he never accidentally downloaded photos of people grannys' and kids parties.

Oh God fiventhree:( What did you do when you realised? Do you trust him anymore?
I know he has looked at these sites before in the distant past, but I thought we were both 'over' porn. Just feel really let down and crap about it. Am still struggling to lose my baby weight and I feel like our sex life isn't good enough for him, so he's off somewhere else in his fantasies. Don't know where he finds the time tbh; I never seem to have a spare minute.

I'd have a big problem with DP paying for porn. There is masses of free porn on the net. There really is no need to waste money on porn.

Akiss I am a SAHM and don't feel comfortable- still- with calling it 'our money'. I don't mind living frugally when it's both of us, but how hypocritical can you get? £25 is not peanuts at the moment.

Then you have bigger problems that just the porn. Why do you not value your role as a SAHM? Does your DH? You shouldn't have no say in how money is spent.

I'd totally have a problem with him moaning about you having your hair cut after a year and a half, while he's spending £25 a month on porn! Cheeky git.

I do value my role and wouldn't change it, but i haven't quite got my head around the 'our money' part. I spend the money in the joint account on food and the kids, bills etc, but I feel awkward saying I'm spending money on what might be considered luxuries for myself because (I thought) DH wasn't spending any on himself.
The more I think about it, the more annoyed I feel, not just about the blatant lies, but the hypocrisy of keeping me in a tatty old nursing bra whilst he spends money on porn.
Sorry for ranting about this. Not got much RL support at the minute, so MN is a lifesaver.
Just re-read 'I never seem to have a spare minute'! Should point out LO is asleep and DS1 is with his Gran.

Sorry Akiss I think he does value it, but I will feel better in October when I have a few part time hours back and have my own money again.

He is spending FAMILY money on porn.

I would bet that he is not just using porn if he is having to pay a subscription - web cams/chat rooms/dating sites.

Can you do that sort of thing on your mobile Mad? I know he only looks at it on his phone as he never goes on the family computer. When I say I don't know where he finds the time, I really don't. He has a long workday and commute and then we're generally occupied with family stuff, tea, bathtime, bedtime etc until we get some time together in the eve. Just don't know when he has the time to look at it, unless it's on his lunchbreak, or first thing in the morning after I've got up with LO.
Really hoping he wouldn't have the kind of time needed to commit to a dating site or similar, but I can't actually put it past him after the way he lied so well

When does he find time to wank off to porn? If he can find time for this, then he may find time to do the other stuff.

Does he have a laptop?

Does his phone have a webcam? Some iphones have these and you can easily download applications for instant messaging (e,g skype).

No he doesn't have a laptop, but he does have an iphone. The times I mentioned are the only times he's got time to himself atm, apart from when he's in the shower and even that's not sacrosanct with LOs. It's the same for me.
Must be first thing in the morning, in which case I'd imagine he's watching rather than participating/messaging? Will just have to pay more attention now.