Don't know what to do about this friendship group

[yumyuminmytum]

Namechanged for this one.

I've been part of an ante-natal group of 7 ladies since our babies were born just over a year ago. We get on really well which is a surprise for such a large group. When we were on mat leave we used to meet up once a week, but now most of us are back in work full/part time, naturally we don't see each other as much. We try and meet up once every few weeks with or without babies. We have a facebook group that we all talk on too.

I've noticed since we went back to work though that I seem to have taken the role of the 'organiser' of the group. I seem to be the one who asks questions on the facebook group, or arranges meet-ups. I've met a few of the ladies singly as well as in our main group and everybody always says 'we must do this again soon' but unless I arrange it that never happens. I know 2 of the ladies meet up on their own (I bumped into them in the park a few weeks back and they seemed a bit awkward).

I don't want to lose touch with them but I'm a bit fed up of doing all the running around. Every once in a while I think 'sod them all then I'm not bothering any more', but I have few mummy friends and no family here so I get really lonely. . I work full-time myself so don't really have time to start attending baby groups where I don't know anyone.

I realise that people have their own lives and I'm probably being a bit clingy, but this is bothering me for some reason.

What do I do?

Unfortunately most antenatal groups dwindle when the participants start going back to work as everyone is more busy and trying to arrange for 7 people to get together is tricky, plus most people like to spend their weekends with their nuclear families.

Keep arranging the get togethers on f/b but cut the frequency back - tbh if you are working f/t you can't have that much spare time anyway. See if you can make friends some other way - through work or a fitness class. You will make more mum friends when your DC starts nursery and school but the friendships do tend to ebb and flow and you just need to roll with it.

Thanks rookie. You're right my only spare time is weekends, and I appreciate that people want to do things with their families, but I still get really lonely for other mummy company.

I work with all men so no opportunity to make mummy friends there, and tbh I don't go to fitness classes. My DC is at nursery all week but none of the mums there are very friendly either.

Do you have to work full time? Could you do 4 days a week so keeping a foot in the "mummy" door? If you have another you'd want to keep up the connections as it were.

You could try putting a post on Mumsnet- local I met someone nice through that

No chance of dropping a day im afraid, need to work ft for financial reasons. [Sad]

I will take a look at the local page, thanks rookie

Why don't you all take a turn at organising something.

Frustrating, isn't it? Something similar happened to me. Our group lasted for 5-6 years, though, and I thought we were all good frinds. But it fizzled out, despite my efforts to keep it going. People have busy lives I guess, but it's hurtful when people move on when you would still like to maintain the friendship.

Is there any one person that you like within the group? You're absolutely spot on when you say it's unusual for 7 people to all get on. It's great that you do but the emotional ties generally aren't as strong as they are between a group of 2 or 3. That's probably why the friendship has thrived and continued between the 2 that you bumped into in the park. If I were you I'd try to cultivate one friendship exclusively rather than running yourself ragged trying to arrange huge meet-ups.

I agree with UnrequitedSkink. It doesn't sound as though all of them are as into the group as you are, sorry if that sounds harsh I don't mean it to be. I would take a step back, stop organising things, invite one or two people round on an individual basis and just see what happens.

Stick with it.

At times, I've occupied the same role as you in my book group - the one who sends emails, motivates people, suggests books - and it can feel like pushing water up a hill. But, it's worth it.

For whatever reason the others don't do it - so what? They come along and appreciate it and you enjoy the meet ups. You won't ever change them, nothing you say, do or sulk will,suddenly make them take on organising things so either suck it up or let it go. I know it's a bit crap, but if it's not too difficult for you then I'd stick with it.

I was in an ante-natal group of 9 women 2 years ago, and have remained in close contact with 2 of them and casual contact with 2 more. Tbh the mothers who don't work have stuck closer together (understandably, they need more meetups!) and I suppose that's just how it goes.

Are there one or two you feel you 'gel' with most? Why not work out who you would most like to be friends with, rather than taking on the emotional work of keeping everyone friends with everyone else?