completely had enough of thi8s

[ladythatlunches]

Hi everyone,

I am feeling soooo angry at the moment and need to vent!!!

I dont really know where else to put this, as i dont want to cause arguments.

Ok, so bit of back round DH has a son from previous relationship, he is 14 they were never married, very short relationship, dh wasnt with her during pregnancy as he was told wasnt his baby etc, mother was living with the apparent babies father.

my dh at the time was 18.

when baby was born turns out was his baby, they got back together, lived with dh parents for few months, they split again dh met me a year later.

so we have been together 13 years married 11. we have 3dc. have our own house that was half an hour away from dh's parents and dh's ex and.

when dh's son turned 3 she moved about 7 hours away to be with her new partner.

that was just some back round so you understand why im a little upset.

Dh's parents are horrible to me always have been, they absolutely love dh's ex and son.

they dont have time for dh or our children at all, never see them, call anything its only when dh rings they talk.

my little baby (7 months old) has just come out of hospital where she was very poorly they knew about this but never once bothred to call.

we have just found out they have gone up to visit his ex for 2 weeks and then they are all going abroad together???

i am weird to find this soooo odd?!

my dh is really angry also, but im tryiong to keep him from getting to angry that it will cause arguments.

i wish we could cut ties with them but my dh is soo wants to be in his dads life and i would never want to be the reasson they dont talk.

dh hates the way they treat our children and they dont really care who knows how little they think of them..

dh's ex also has 4 other children by her dh, and they all call dh's mum and dad "nanny and grandad"

i dont know what im trying to get by writting this just to vent that i find it all odd and im really angry with them and would like to message them saying they are complete idiots!!!

bumping :(

That's really awful! The only advice I have would b to cut ties with them completely. I wouldn't allow my dc's to feel second best. If your dh is a glutton for punishment, so be it, however your dc's shouldn't be part of it imo. It seems to b very strange behaviour, I think your dh has every right to be angry. You must feel awful but try to console yourself with the fact that they are obviously very strange people who don't deserve your dc, dh or you.

I can understand why they are in contact with the boy and his mother - if they didn't nurture the relationship they would lose contact with their grandson. They are taking yours for granted. Thats horrible for you, and your children, and your DP. I think they are being really shite. But what can you do? Does your DH have regular contact with his son?

thank you all,

anychocswilldo, i feel the same as i dont want them ever to feel second best or wounder what they have done wrong, when they havent.

i completely understand why they keep in contact, of course ots there grandson, but to go on holiday?

my dh see's him every school holidays and talks over the phone every other day, also makes sure pays for everything that he need's, he is gutted they live so far that he cant be with us more, as am i, he is a lovely boy.

in the past we have fallen out alot, didnt talk for 5 years, but as always we are the ones who get in touch and feel things will be better, they never are. dh's dad has bad health and may not be around as much as dh would like so i think this is why maybe the ties might not be cut!!!

im just so angry as now i founbd out his sister and kids are all over there too, not one of them will come half an hour up the road, not even for there birthdays.

It's really sad for you that they don't seem to want your family in their lives much. I wouldn't break ties though; I'd just get on with it. You don't need the grief.

They're obviously very fond of your dh's ex and their grandson, what a shame they don't treat all their grandchildren the same.

It's the little things that annoy me, when my daughter was born and was in itu, nothing from them at all.

Xmas time they bought the kids (first time ever) a toy for £3.99 each from asda a drawing thing. Which Is great, my kids were happy with it not a problem untill we went round and they told us what they got there other grandchildren, at least £150 spent on them!
Same for birthdays, they didn't get my dd anything then have my ds a card!!! Just bizzare, honestly I know I'm there mother but they are lovely children.

I'm very lucky both my parents are amazing with them they think the world of them as they do with all there grandchildren.

I know I shouldn't but I want to message his sister and see how he would feel of shoe was on other foot, she is divorced and all her conversation consists of is how much she hates him, how would she like it me and dh would go over there?!

I won't message any of them but so angry right now

they really wouldnt care if i called or messaged, they would more than likely think "glad we dont have to see them anymore"
very horrible people!!!

just out of interest, what would anyone else do if this was them?

If this was me? Hmm, well there's a difference between what I would like to do and what I would actually do.

Actually, I would withdraw. You won't change them - it seems odd that they're broadcasting to you how much money or time they're spending on their other grandchildren, which implies it's intentional. Therefore, don't give them the satisfaction of appearing to notice. It's your husband's family, and you can't fight with blood ties. All you can do is try to minimise the fallout. Concentrate on ensuring that your own kids have a great and healthy relationship with "your" side.

They're DH's parents and if they're behaving badly towards your children, they need to be told by him. Otherwise, you cast yourself even further in the role of bad guy. They appear to have withdrawn from you already so don't expect anything from them and continue to make sure your DCs are as close to your parents as possible

unfortunetly he already has, the amount of time we have all fallen out is ridiculous.

my dh always sticks up for me, thank god!!

i think the problem is even though dh and ex were together on and off for about 6ish months MIL has taken a shinning to her see's me as the one who ruined it, but i came along a year later.
weird thing is MIL used to state she never like ex because of the way she treated grandson, but ex used to let MIL have full reign on the baby, it used to drive my dh mad because instead of asking him to have ds she would call his mum and then he would find out.

i dont know what i want out of all this, i dont want a argument, i know they will never bother with our kids, and i really dont like them at all, even despite this tey are not nice people, dh remebers a awful uo bringing from his mum and his dad having numerous affairs.

Well, they are grandparents to your husband's child so why shouldn't they spend time with him? The fact they don't have anything to do with you and your kids is a separate issue.

I think you need to consider what you'll say at the stage where your own kids notice the difference in the way they are being treated by their grandparents. Of course a small gift from Asda is perfectly fine, but it will become obvious to them that the other grandchildren are being favoured - with time, as well as money.

Personally to spare your dc that realisation I would start to drift away from them now, without making a big deal about it.

Just fabulous- them spending time with him isn't a problem at all but as its dh's son he would of jumped at the opportunity to spend time with him on extra days.
Dh's parents used to have dh's son 2 nights a week before they moved and dh used to get weekends .. He used to go to his mums to pop on just to see him when he was there but MIL used to go mad and say it was her time with him. He didn't want to take him away from her just spend as much time that he could with him like any father would/should, he is the same with our children will spend as much time as he can with them when not working!

We can easily drift apart because if dh doesn't call then we won't have any contact at all. Thing is also if dh falls out with them it seams the whole family does the same as is nan aunts etc. all very sad :(