Drinking

[Catsndog]

I've had enough of living with a drinker every day has cans,gets in a state two-three times a week
I don't drink anymore,I have fibromyalgia & depression.
My Kids like living here moved over three ys ago,I don't feel settled here. If they won't move back with me to my home town I will have to leave them here.I can't cope living as a single parent out here on my own
What would your advice be?
I'm stuck in the middle :'(

How old are your DCs? Is the drinker your DP or one of the DCs?
Are you receiving any help with your depression?

No-one has to live with a drunk, especially not children. My suggestion would be to move him out and stay with your children in the first instance. You don't say how old they are but, even if they are teenagers, they shouldn't be left in the care of a drunken father. Once he is out of the picture you may find that single parenting is not as difficult as you think or you can work on a plan to get everyone back to your home town.

You can't leave your children with a drunk. It's as simple as that.

It's heart breaking,my eldest 13, 11, want to live in this village my 5 yr
Will come with me. How can they choose to stay with him because of their school & friends?
I'm so unhappy here,I can't go out alone much I have severe anxiety made ten times worse coming here,it's isolating,I don't feel confatable.
I have a real fear of living out here on my own. I'm sure I could find more independence back where I was. Hubby keeps saying he will go
That's all I wanted for years and he wouldn't go. My Kids don't see what I do they love him equally . I moved here due to being reposessed. He doesn't drink until evenings. But I just don't like it.

I think you need to work out exactly what's wrong here and, to do so, I think you need to separate for a while. Depression may be skewing your perception just as much as alcohol is skewing his and, by living together, it could be multiplying everyone's problems. If you live apart for a while, you could get help for your depression without the stress of living with a drunk and he could get help for the drinking without the stress of living with a depressive. No-one needs to move out of the area in the short-term or make any other hasty decisions but I think you are both bad for each other & need time to deal with your individual problems separately.

I agree,I need to get some space between us.......

Hi all, I told Hubby I would move out taking youngest,with the intention of the two eldest following when they realise how much I gave in to keep the peace. Until I find a place I would stay over at my Mums when he started to drink heavily.
No trouble yet.... Stayed sober, started to decorate, I've never had a home fully decorated in the last 14 yrs!
I've not asked for anything, only to sort drinking out!
Sounds good but I know it's only a matter of any exuse to get wrecked again. I've switched on in myself and taken some control back in my life. Thank you all for the advice means a lot. I'll keep you posted on any changes.

I know it's tough but you cannot leave your eldest there, they are still children. Why can't he go?

I agree. I don't think it's wise to leave your two older children with him.

Are you having any treatment for your depression?
If not, you are likely to remain depressed regardless of where you are living.
If you move, you still have to take yourself with you.
See your Doctor and get some help to get yourself sorted.
I also agree that leaving a 13yr old and an 11yr old with a drunk will only end in tears and it will be a matter of time before Soc Services are involved - none of which is likely to have a positive impact on your mental health.

I suffer from agorophobia,it came back when I moved here. I feel more at ease & confident when I visit my old place the town etc.
I have to be accompanied out living here. My kids don't want to move schools or lose friends again. I can't live here without any help from OH. I wouldn't go out the door. So I suggested I get a home where I feel confortable, knowing they eldest two won't last more than a few weeks with him. They love both of us, but they only seem to do as their told by him. They need to realize we all need to be happy. I have no intention of giving them up,just a short time will help them to realize what's best.

Just want to thank everyone for the advice.
OH has tried to make a change with his routine,it is alot better life for all of us. I don't feel scared to move with my kids anymore.
I have told all of them firmly they have to come with me if their Dad
Wouldn't wake up and let me live too.We all need to be happy.
So far life is easier for me,we all feel better.