How can I save my marriage?

[Leoney]

I have to apologise for the name change but know so many people on here in RL and no one knows about this.
I've been married to my DH for 7 years and he is a genuinely lovely bloke. We have one child who's 14 months. My problem is that I'm not sure if I love him anymore. I very much like him, it's not like I hate him, he's a brilliant Dad and a very considerate husband so why do I not feel the way I used to?
My mind starts to wander to other blokes I know (not that I would do anything, it's more like a mental escape iyswim) and I feel horribly guilty that I don't seem to be happy with what I've got.
What can I do to spark things off again or am I doomed (admittedly by myself) to a marriage I'm not happy with?

yes, annie I see what you mean - in my middle aged way I was thinking of an evening class in something interesting rather than clubbing every other night!! Perhaps I could do with getting a life actually!

And I totally agree with you about if you stick it out things can be even better afterwards. I think having a child makes things not easier but more clear-cut in a way - splitting simply wasn't an option so I knew we had to work out a way forward together. And it struck me really strongly that children do need the example of a close relationship between mum and dad, because as they get older they know that they do not have to be responsible for their mum's emotional needs - very healthy.

Agree with Sparklemagic - she says it all for me.

Also as you are aware of what is happening I would be as honest as you can be with your dh. As you say it is unlikely that he is unaware of the problem (even if he is trying to avoid it).

I have seen many marriages break-up (one of mine included) and it usually starts like this but people don't have the awareness to address the issue and after a few years of feeling like this things start to deteriorate beyond salvage.

As well as all the good suggestions here, have you thought of relate or couples therapy? People always seem to leave this until really late - so associate it with breaking up but if more people went earlier maybe the divorce rate would be a bit lower.

lazyc i have to admit I hadn't thought of that, it scares me a bit to think about going to relate type counselling. About 3 years ago our marriage was going through another dip and I did something I am totally ashamed of which Dh knows nothing about. I'm petrified if we went to counselling this would all come out and he'd leave me. So, I suppose I must love him as I don't want him to leave....sorry, went off on a psychoanalytical trip there.
I hadn't thought of making myself happy independent of the relationship - that makes a whole lot of sense to me and has given me more food for thought - thank you.

thanks lazycow! Good luck Leoney, I'm sure you will be fine, because you're giving it so much thought. I have to say during a marriage when you have young kids I actually think that 'very much liking' someone, finding them a brilliant dad and a considerate husband is not bad!!!

hi leoney, I went through the same thing recently, i was having doubts didnt think i was in love, thought about other people, i ended up having a drunken one night with someone who i hadnt seen for years. instantly regretted it, had to tell dp because he would have found out anyway and couldnt live with the gulit.
after this happened though i realised i love him totally and wish so much it hadnt happened.
now though the tables have turned i know i deserve it and he not sure how he feels about me and is thinking of other people too.
This may just be a phase you are going through with him, and you may regret it totally if you decide to leave etc. give it a bit more time to see if your feeling change.
I wish you the best of luck.
I think i have runined my life becuase of that drunken mistake.