Just looked at a house help

[yetanothernamechnager]

DH is getting more and more controlling. He will stop my money, will do this and that. Moans constantly, I am walking on egg shells. Today I told DD and DS I am leaving they want to come too thank heavens. They are 8 and 9. We have looked at a house and am planning on loading the car and leaving as soon as rent and references are cleared then starting divorce proceedins. Am very excited but scared stiff

your doing the best thing possible for your children and yourself!!
you seem to have your head screwed on, and you know it will be hard.. but in the long run your children will thank you!
or at least, i did when my mum moved herself + me and DB away from my dad
congratulations on the first step!

do you have any support from family etc?

I am wobbling now Dh is being very nice I have said will pop into the estate agents tomorrow to sort things out but really wobbling. Our house is lovely large comfortable children in private school etc

Won't the DCs tell him your plans?

I hope not they are keen to leave to

I grew up in a beautiful house surrounded by miserable adults trying to pretend they weren't miserable.
Can assure you I would have preferred the tiniest flat.

If it's got to the point where your children are keen to leave too, doesn't that tell you something?

Children are so much more perceptive than we give them credit for.

My DD will shed tears but when alone with me will ask me when we are going to get to leave and be happy

It's a long process though because I'm waiting on getting benefits sorted.

I forgot to add he will be nice. My one was reading my posts on here and emails so he now knows my plans. Lot earlier than I wanted him to, he has started helping with the DC a lot more because apparently he now realises what heis about to lose.

Problem is he is still thinking about himself and not about the dc and me

People like this go in cycles. They are lovely till they reel you in, then their true colours come out. Every so often they're really nice, causing you to doubt yourself. Then they act like bastards again. You're better off out of it tbh.

Spoke to soon DD has just said if DH is nice all the time shall we stay I need to get up my strength and go

That's actually kind of horrible, if you think about it. It shows he knows perfectly well how to be nice, so presumably he could have been nice all along if only he'd wanted to. Now he can sense you've reached the end of your tether, it's in his interests to put on the nice behaviour for as long as it takes for you to give up the idea of leaving. And then you'll be back to Square One.

at the moment i think it would be best for your ds and dd if you played along with happy families, i know it seems really harsh but i was the equivilent of your dd in this situation, but if you think im out of place feel free to ignore me..

my mum asked me and db if we wanted to leave
we said yes
dad did exactly what your dh is doing
me and db (very close) didnt want to stay but would often say to mum that we should stay because the idea of your entire life changing isnt a good one!
my mum played along until one day she picked us up from school, with all of our stuff in the car.. and we never went back 'home'..

it sounds horrible but it would also protect you from the dc accidentily saying antyhing to dh?

your strong, be tough, chin up!

Bubblessif you don't mind me asking were you happy with the playing along and how long did you all play along for

Just look at the number of threads on here similar to this one. Then get prepared to get away. You and your kids will end up happier.

5 months, my grandparents saved up to get us a flat at the other end of town so we could still go to school etc without having to be too close to our dad
me and my brother had totally forgotten about the 'running away' idea when it all came back up
we were a bit older though, which might make a difference..