Cycle of divorce, my children have no good role model of a relationship

[Happymum22]

Was talking to my eldest DD who has just moved in with her long term boyfriend, they are both in their early/mid-twenties.
She was feeling a bit down, saying recently she's noticed how different her and her DP are coping with the change of moving in. Both are loving it but she said he finds it a lot easier.
I split with my Dh when she was 10, we unfortunately had a very messy divorce with exH having an affair and then the court stopped his contact with the children for various reasons.

DD therefore lost a father figure and never has particuarly had a good model of a loving relationship. She said she simply doesn't know what is a normal argument and how to deal with things sometimes. Its really worrying her.
She coped badly when she hit her teens with not having her dad around and the feelings our divorce had left with her, but she recieved counselling and it took a while but came out a strong confident girl determined to live her own life and move on from her dads actions.
I think shes just feeling a bit vulnerable and worried now reality has hit of moving out of home.

Has anyone who is a child of divorce managed to have a strong relationship and how did you do so without the role model?

My dad left when I was 10weeks old.

I grew up with just my mum and grandma and lived with them until I met dp.

We have a 5yo, 3yo and dc3 on the way. I struggled to begin with but I think we do ok, I tell dp openly I struggle with large family stuff (he's one of 5, has mum dad and gps) etc and we talk it through and I hope we continue as strong as we are now. I realise this is a different circumstance but I never had a father figure and I think I've done ok. Moving in with anyone is difficult.

My stepdaughters are both in their late 20's now. My husband and their mother split before they were 10, and their mother had a succession of volatile relationships after that.

Both my stepdaughters have been in longterm relationships since their late teens (eldest is married, youngest has a 4yo child) and they are both in very strong happy relationships.

Getting used to sharing your space with a partner for the first time is always stressful no matter what your history is.

My DSs' father and I split up when they were six and four but managed to keep it mostly cordial and shared custody (no lawyers involved). He remarried quite soon, but that marriage has since broken down. I lived with my DD's dad for a few years?that was a very unequal, EA relationship.
Older DS has been in a brilliant relationship since he was 19 (now 26) despite the lack of any lasting models.

My dad left my mum when I was 5 and I have had no contact with him since I was 13? I have a lovely dp and he is my longest relationship (4 years). I do find that I don't feel like I deserve him at times and part of me is waiting for him to leave me. He talks about growing old together and it makes me so happy but I do struggle sometimes with having such a close relationship with a man as I am just not used to it.

I think the beauty of your DD's situation is that she has a blank sheet of paper. She & her boyfriend can make up their own relationship 'rules' based on anything they like. Parents are important but they are only one example of a relationship. Having very mismatched parents myself, I remember having long conversations with a boyfriend's mum & dad about how they made things work, because they seemed to have it right. So your DD and her boyfriend could approach it almost like a project.... do some research, talk to people they respect, even consider counselling.... and set their own standards. Very exciting, I'd have thought.

I split with my sons dad when he was tiny so he hasn't seen a couple role model (for want of a better phrase). But I have brought him up in a very happy steady and stable home. This will serve him well.

I worry about this too and my kids are much youner. My children are spared being in the presence of a bad relationship thankfully, but they don't see a healthy relationship either. Do people need that? or is it instinctive? Do people have to learn by example how to be in somebody's company?

My DC's are 7 & 4 and me and STBEXH split in jan after he started an affair with a single mum of 3. He now lives with them, is expecting another & provides as little as legally possible for us. I get ranting texts from him when the DC's are there saying "he can't take it any more, their behaviour is terrible".
Wonder when he'll realise that his own children are seeking his attention...
But my point is...who is going to be their good male role model now? My 70 yr old dad??

"who is going to be their good male role model now?"

They'll find them all by themselves. Uncles, teachers, sports coaches, fictional characters, friends' Dads, TV celebrities. You can help the process by pointing them in the direction of people who you think are a good example & by rewarding & modelling good behaviour yourself. If your DC's are male, for example, how they relate to you will be how they relate to women in due course. And don't forget discussion. I know they're only small now but, if you ask them, I bet they already have some very good ideas of their own about what makes a good parent.