for those with toxic families...what did you tell the DCs?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

My heart is breaking right now.

Two months ago I cut contact with my whole family. Various reasons as the family is already quite split. But the main "loss" if you like has been my parents.

DD is 3.5 and up until 2 months ago saw my parents atleast once a week. She had a brilliant relationship with them and they were nothing but good to her.

Up until now she hasnt mentioned them. I have found this a bit odd but put it down to her not really realising how long its been or maybe sensing Im upset about it (which I have really tried to hide.)

But today we were having a cuddle and talking about all sorts when she started telling me that she had a dream about me and granny was there. Now I dont know if she really knows what dreams are etc but she talks about her deams a lot.

I talked away about granny as normal, let her talk etc. But now Im really upset and Im worried what do I tell her when she asks where they are/when we will see them.

FWIW my mum or dad havent tried to contact us either so it really never will be sorted.

Does anyone have any advice?

DD is 3.5 and up until 2 months ago saw my parents atleast once a week. She had a brilliant relationship with them and they were nothing but good to her.

Could she see them still without you being involved maybe?

I dont think so. Simply for the fact that my parents have made no contact at all.

Im pretty sure they know exactly why I have cut contact. There was no big confrontation.But my mum will be pleading ignorance. To contact me she would have to address the issues or atleast the lack of contact iyswim. So this is unlikely to happen.

If it could work I would happily let them see DD. But they havent tried. I feel so so sad for her.

Shameless bump. :(

Well......without knowing more details it is hard to suggest a response, however my situation is that I don't have any contact with my parents or siblings and for 5 years and they haven't meet some of my children.

I explain it to my children along the lines of Granny, Grandpa and Auntie are very selfish people who think of themselves first and others when it suits them. I have given sanitized examples that the children can understand as to why we don't have contact and am honest about the fact that it does upset me not to be in contact however it is for the best at the moment.

Personally and without knowing any details I couldn't let my children have contact with somebody whom I don't like, trust or want to be involved in my life.

Best of luck it is a very hard situation to be in.

Thanks for your reply Yellow.

I dont want to lie to DD. But at the same time, shes so young and she loves them so much and I just want to protect her from what I am going through. So Im left not having a clue what to tell her.

My mum has always been emotionally distant, overly critical of me, blatantly favouritises my brother etc etc.

But the final straw was at xmas. All last year my mum did nothing but bitch about my aunt. Despite me telling her repeatedly (when she asked) to just speak to my aunt she wouldnt. It escalated to the point that my mum wasnt going to my aunts over xmas and I didnt want to go either because the whole thing had become so awkward.

Anyway, I stupidly tried to have a chat with my aunt about the whole situation.

My aunt completely blew up in my face. She was horrible. I was so shocked and hurt because shes always been so lovely. But she started blaming me for everything. It all ended up in my aunt screaming at me in the street (I tried to leave but she snatched my car keys) and then she told me I was no longer her niece.

All this made my mum talk to her and they have now made up and are playing happy families. While Im still so hurt from the way I was spoken too. My mum went to my aunts after all this. Obviously I didnt go. And after my mum told me it was better when I wasnt there.

Add to that the fact she refuses to talk about my wedding next year because we arent doing it her way or my pregnancy, I really felt I had had enough.