trust

[OfficialFlyingSquirrel]

hi all.
Feeling v down today, I don't trust my boyfriend (for no apparent reason) after 2 years and living together and I'm just wondering how the hell you go about it!!!
Poor boy, everything he does I analyse. Whenever he gets a text, I worry about who it may be from. He goes out for work dinners and I worry it could be another lady. I worry about his female colleagues who are always doing nice things for him.
I wonder if this could be because in my previous relationships I was the untrustworthy one? Or perhaps my history of depression and paranoia?
I just want to be able to be with him and trust him. But how?
Thank you. I don't want to ruin this by accusing and questioning him all the time. Which so far I've been able to do but sometimes I just want to say to him please stop lying!!!

and it was my birthday yesterday and my so-called friends are able to go on facebook and 'like' photos of childhood toys etc but can't text or message or call me to say happy birthday :(

I'm confused now as to whether he is trustworthy or not. On the one hand you say 'please stop lying!!!'. If he lies to you on a regular basis and forgets your birthday into the bargain then ditch him - no brainer. If you're saying that there is no good reason for you to trust him then look to yourself. Insecurity can often mean someone doesn't feel worthy of another's love and that's when irrational jealousy and suspicion get a hold.

Sorry, two subjects at once! It was my friends who were on facebook all day but didn't get in touch with me on my birthday.

He didn't forget. Lots of presents, breakfast in bed, out for dinner and soppy things written in card etc. Sometimes when I'm being rational I know he's telling the truth, but sometimes (like today) my awful brain gets the better of me and doesn't believe a word he says.
and yes, irrational jealously and suspicion sounds spot on. But how do I stop it before I push him away??

I think you have to work on your self-esteem and create a fulfilling, indepenent life for yourself. The self-esteem because you have to believe that you are worthy of affection in the first place. The fulfilling, independent life for similar reasons but also to give you your own sense of direction and purpose rather than constantly looking sideways at what he is doing.

And, in the meantime, trust is as trust does. Resist the temptation to check up, quiz and waste time worrying. Doesn't do anything except make you anxious.

that sounds very sensible. I'm working on the fulfilling, independent life bit. Much better at that! And you're right. Wondering about everything is driving me mad. Its a downward spiral isn't it? Its just so hard to let it go sometimes.
I've put on a bit of weight recently so that can't help with the self esteem either.

It's not only a downward spiral, it's really damaging in a relationship because your lack of confidence could seem like needy, clingy behaviour and that's never an attractive trait.

I know, and the worst thing is my friend is displaying terrible needy etc behaviour in a new relationship and i can see it is going to push him away