Casual Sex/Friends with Benefits

[sandy167]

Do you think casual sex and friends with benefits is good for ones mental health?
Myself personally just cannot do casual sex as i know i would feel degraded afterwards. What are others oppinions on it? I would rather meet someone special and have a good sex life like that and at least it would be meaningful.

How and where does one find a FWB?

I had a conversation about this in all seriousness with a female friend. How the hell do you find someone like this? The only kind of man I could even contemplate having this kind of relationship with (and this the only kind I could contemplate) would have to be someone nice enough that if my circumstances were different I would actually want to be with them properly. But I don't want that. I don't want to cohabit. I have small children. I can't offer what someone decent would deserve.

Basically I want a exclusive, not going any further, sexual friendship with someone kind, solvent, good looking who isn't a social reject but doesn't want to get married/cohabit/have children. And what decent man would settle for that?

What a disaster. I'm never going to have sex again.

Loads of people chubfuddler! Seriously, get out there and you'll find someone.

Where? Seriously!

Thank you StickyProblem. We will see whether I am sorted or not, think it depends on where I am in my cycle to be honest .

SoleSource I am really sorry you had a bad experience. I definitely have not cut off my emotions. I am a deeply committed person. I loved with all my life during my marriage, only to find out it was a farce. I married as a virgin, only to find out 2 years after splitting from my ex that there were a minimum of 43 other women in our marriage bed!!! As I say, this is far more honest. The sex is very loving, and he is a very tender man, he has his own confusion to deal with, I am the first woman he has been with since his wife passed, and they had a 'carer/patient' relationship for 3 years prior to her death. He was faithful to her, so this is a big deal for him as well. He doesn't know what he wants in life, he has tried internet dating and speed dating, but it is not really working for him, most women only want him as a friend, and those who seem more interested make him run a mile. This has been reassuring for him as well as for me, that we are both still sexually attractive. And yes, of course I would rather have a full loving relationship, but I don't think either of us are ready. I have huge trust issues. We have both agreed not to sleep with anyone else, he knows I am not looking to date, he has taken his profile down, but is still friends with some of the women he met online. At any moment all of this can change, I accept that, and I am sure it will hurt. But for now I have broken my years drought, and I could not have done it with a better lover. We all want true love Sole, but I honest don't know if it exists. My ex found 'true love' and married the deluded idiot within 6 months, moved countries etc etc. As I say, I can spend the rest of my life waiting and never ever getting further than where I am in my cash-strapped life, or I can enjoy the company (he takes me out for meals, movies etc), and sex of a good friend who needs me as much as I need him. If love blossoms, bonus, if we both outgrow each other so be it, if one falls in love with someone else, we will cross that bridge. I have had so much loss in my life, I know how to handle it. I know not to expect anything from my FWB, and ditto.

I hope for the best, expect the worst, and hopefully life will deal me something inbetween, I can live with that.

Chubfuddlere it was not easy, I felt that this was something I wanted to explore when I was on the dating scene a year ago, but none of the guys I dated even wanted to consider it, even when it was clear we were not suited as partners, and it made me feel devalued when they turned me down. My FWB is a new arrangement, hence the confusion at this point, and the questioning, and lots of reading of blogs. He was introduced to me by a mutual friend who thought we would get along, especially since his wife's passing. He initially fancied me, then when I started reciprocating he ran for the hills, a few months later we reconnected, started trying to be friends, and 2 weeks ago agreed to become FWB. It is tricky to navigate, and am still in the starting phases. I think every situation is different, as JaceyBee says, she has a high sex drive and has a few of them on the go, that wouldn't work for me, I prefer just the one. But as long as everyone is up front, it is more honest than a lot of marriages. Hell, it might be the most honest you will ever see a guy

IMo a man is either a platonic friend, who you don't fancy one iota, or is unavailable ( married, gay etc) or he is a lover. It may be a casual relationship that is going nowhere, but if you are sleeping with him it's a relationship. If someone really is a 'friend' then that friendship will continue openly when the sex stops and you both have other sexual partners. Most 'FWB' are just short term relationships. Best be honest about it.

I agree, I think we get very bogged down by terms when it comes to this stuff, which makes people feel their relationship has to fit this particular mould, ie FB, FWB, friend, serious relationship etc.
That's not helpful.

The reality is people will go for the relationship that fits the stage in life they're at. So if anything happened my DH or we split, I know for a fact that I wouldn't be interested in living with or marrying someone again, but a casual thing for just sex and companionship would be dandy thanks. In that case, I wouldn't care what it was labelled as cos that's not important.

People need to be honest with themselves about what they want though. That's why there are so many FB type relationships where one person wants more: cos that person wasn't honest to themselves from the start and was always holding out for things to get serious.
Also anyone who says they started as FB and are now married etc, no that was always a relationship, because one of the most basic tacit rules of FB is that you'd never consider that person for a relationship!

Exactly.

And the whole problem with giving labels to relationships is that people's feelings change, as can circumstances.