Tell me about Relate counselling

[OverThinkerAnon]

Husband and I have got first Relate session tomorrow. I am so scared! Part of me thinks I should try and prepare for it and think what I might say but the other (bigger) part of me is trying desperately to keep the box of hurt and pain shut to protect myself from yet more tears and desperate thoughts. Am I being naive? Is the whole point of Relate to discuss these matters? Words of wisdom and experience please!

me and dh are attending counselling atm. private counselling but she is a relate counsellor too so i guess it's the same.

we didn't plan anything. in fact we turned up in a big mood with each other for the first session and were barely speaking so I was too cross and miserable to plan anything. I also burst into tears as soon as I sat down, which is very unlike me. I found it ok in the end. Please don't be afraid of letting your emotions out.

the counsellor's job is to get you talking, so don't worry about it. I was surprised at how she got me (a very private person) to chat about all kinds of stuff.

I actually think planning things makes it all a bit false, and speaking spontaneously makes it more true to your actual feelings, so you can get to the bottom of what the problems are.

It's been really positive for us so far, and we were at the point of splitting up, I hope it is for you too - just the fact that you're going is a good thing.

Dont be scared - if you get a good counsellor it should be a postive good thing....its a postive step to go anyway - its worth a try.

Your first session wont be too in depth as its a preliminary to get a few facts and feelings etc.

it is amazing though what can come out in the room. do be prepared for tears.

It also depends on DH, is he willing to go too -open minded or being dragged along out of duress.

Of course if there is a problem you both want to try and solve it should be postive.

One friend went and BF said he didnt want to try and save relationship - painful but it did clarify things.

I would persoanlly have a small think about what you want to say only becayse your in there for a short time and time runs away when talking about these things so you want to be as succint as possible.

Good luck though.

I would go back in a flash over vairous small things...I see other couples arguing over the same thing day in day out - year in year out - always in circles never moving forward.

I don't know what I want. I'm so confused and in a daze, I'm hoping this will help me see things a bit more clearly.

The first session is very much a fact finding exercise, getting info on what you both want. They will chat with you and you won't really realise they are getting information. Keep an open mind, my thoughts on starting were very similar to yours are now, but my experience has been nothing but positive. Good Luck.