Divorce advice/experiences

[slipperandpjsmum]

I have been unhappy for a number of years and wonder if we have finally reached the end of the road. I am really worried about it all (was awake most of last night).

For those who have an understanding of the process can you explain it to me. My dh pays the mortgage, as we have children under 16 would that continue? Or would I be expected to buy him out, which I couldn't afford to do. My dc love where we live and have lots of friends and I am so worried about the impact upon them.

I keep thinking wait until they are older?

thanks

It all depends on what you and DH can afford snd agree on. I am trying to get a mortgage in my own name as I want STBXH off the deeds (due to previous bankruptcy and bad debt).

At the moment he pays £100 a week which is more than the CSA would take from him.

My DD is 4yo and my solicitor says that whatever share he is entitled to he won't get until DD is 18, or I remarry or sell the house.

You ought to go and get some legal advice. Some do half hour free. I paid £60 for an hour .

You really need legal advice as it varies depending on circumstances.

My own circumstances meant that I stayed in the house, my ex signed over his right to the house and his name was taken off the deeds. In exchange, I agreed not to put a claim in for a stake of his family business. We went through mediation to come to this agreement. He pays child maintenance, not spousal maintenance. I pay the mortgage with child tax credits and my sons DLA

I personally wouldn't wait until the children are older. If you are unhappy now, best get it over and done with.

Financial agreements aren't set in stone - it's all about sitting down and agreeing things together. It might be that your husband could agree to pay the mortgage until your youngest child is 18 at which point you sell the house.
That's may be impossible for him though.
We sold the house and split according to what we'd put in, and I bought somewhere cheaper (but lovely!). I was worried about moving and the effect on the children, but it was the best thing I did. The new house feels like "ours" and we're very settled here. My DD moved schools. (But she's little, so maybe not so difficult for her). She's now made a whole new set of friends and is very happy.

I'm also entitled to tax credits which covers most of my childcare, enabling me to work to support us.

I wouldn't really advise waiting. My own mum did that - but it made for a very unhappy home life. Took lots of counselling in later life to come to terms with it! Deciding to leave/ get divorced was so difficult - trying to weigh up what might or might not be best for my children. Going through it was horrific - stressful, depressing, upsetting. A year down the line I am a changed person, more relaxed, confident, asserive and ten times happier and I can see the massive impact that is having on my children. I don't regret it for a moment.

Maybe start with the free legal advice - most solicitors offer it.

Good luck!