Better Sex Life

[bloodyupset]

The title says it all really.

I have been trying to meet my DH half way but I'm usless

He's being very patient with me, but its getting that every morning he wakes me up when he's getting up for work to try it on and its driving me mad. Its the summer holiday's and my DC are bloody hard work. I don't need to get up at bloody 6 o'clock in the morning, but no after asking and asking him to leave me alone in the morning he's still waking me up....

I got a bit angry this morning and told him to sod off

I know he needs it more, but it takes so bloody long for me to get in the mood even let alone for anything else to happen I really can't be bothered. Plus morning sex is not going to do it for me I have body issues, which he knows about, and the fact that I need aloooonnnngggg time to get going, means it would be just for him.

I've read all the different threads on here, I'm a long time lurker, but all the advise in the world is no good if I won't put it into practice.

My DH even said the other day if I put half the effort into our sex life that I do in all other things it would be amazing but he doesn't realise that I don't get much enjoyment out of it anymore, (which is my fault for going along with doing it just for him for so long).

I'm a high achiever in all other aspects of my life. But this I'm just finding so hard to do.

I know I need to tell him, I even bought a small bullet, but have yet to tell
him .......

Just a moaning ramble really, is there anyone else who feels like this?

He needs to back off and you both need to examine why you are behaving as though this is a problem with you as opposed to a problem in the relationship.

He is behaving in an entitled way and I think there is nothing more offputting.

I would recommend you stop having sex altogether and examine the actual issues which are more likely to be that his attitude towards sex - that he needs it and you won't provide it and that is unreasonable, is what has caused this problem. Sex is a relationship not a duty and of course if sex is not pleasurable for you you won't want to do it and shouldn't be expected to.

He thinks you need to put effort in but what effort is he putting in? He doesn't mean you are not putting effort in anyway, what he means is you are not forcing yourself to allow him to have the amount of sex he feels entitled to have from you. That's quite horrible.

Bumping for you.

Do you want to start enjoying it more and having better sex, or do you want him to leave you alone?

what sort of things do you think would improve it for you?

Yes I agree with Offred. Pressure is the biggest turn off. It doesn't sound like he's being patient to me if he's waking you up EVERY morning for sex, especially when you've told him you don't want it at all at this time!

Also I think the fact you say he's "being patient" is a bit of a giveaway as to his attitude - it shouldn't be an issue of patience because... well, you aren't responsible for his sexual needs! Nobody is responsible for anyone else's sexual needs. If he's really desperate for physical stimulation he can manage that himself, and if it's the intimacy he's missing, shouldn't he be worried about why this isn't there rather than trying to force the sex issue?

What kind of effort is he making to improve your sex life? Is he doing his fair share of the child care?

With women, the less tired they are and the more "me" time they have (even if its a long hot soak in the bath),and the more shared intimacy there is e.g a nice dinner, a cuddle on the sofa etc - the better their sex life tend to be.

A poke in the back at dawn when you are desperate for sleep having worn yourself out looking after the children, running the household etc is not a good recipe for a decent sex life. No wonder you are hacked off.

Thanks for your replies. I see what you are all saying with regard to DH acting like he's entitled to sex, and that's what I'm thinking.

He does help out with the DC and with small amounts of housework, but that suits me I prefer to do most things in the house, & I only have to ask and he'll do more.

He's lovely in every other way he's a great dad, a great provider I can pretty much spend what I like its just this.

I do want to be the confident woman he wants but I just seem to freeze in bed and think just let him have sex and then he'll be happy.

Wrong I know and that's why we are struggling at the moment as I think he thinks I'll give in as it's what I've done in the past but I really don't want this anymore I want to be fulfilled

No, it's really soul destroying :(

How does he react if you try to talk to him about it? If he's emotionally closed off then it will put a wedge between you, in the end.

Have you asked him why he thinks the problem actually is that you need to "give in" more?

I mean it is a bit of an extrapolation but alarm bells are ringing here in my mind... You do all the housework and childcare and he is a "great provider" you can "pretty much spend what you want" and he feels entitled to sex... bit worrying...

Just wanted to say that someone waking someone knackered up at 6 am every day for sex is atrocious! If DH tried that, well I don't know what I'd do, he just wouldn't do it...

I don't think he is being "patient" at all I think he sounds like he's putting a lot of pressure on.

I don't think it is a bad thing in itself, I'd love it even though I'm knackered. It is bad because of the circumstances; you don't want it.

It is a bad thing because she doesn't want him to.
And nor would I!

He's bullying you into sex.
Wearing you down.
'giving in to make him happy' is soul destroying......maybe really think about how he would react if you didn't 'give in'. Then you'll be able to really get a grasp on his level of entitlement and his lack of regard for you.