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Relationships

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Original poster

He hurt me and I hurt him

18 replies

skeletalform · 31/07/2012 01:58

I bit my DP's hand before. It was meant to be in a light hearted way.

He grabbed the back of my neck and applied a lot of pressure- pressure to the point where I thought I might be sick. I continued biting because it hurt so much, and because I really didn't know what else to do, since one of his hands was in my mouth and the other was behind my head, on my neck.

Eventually he raised his voice and we both let go. He is now pissed off with me because I hurt his hand, but I'm scared of him because he used physical force to stop me. I have bruises on the back of my neck. He has gone off to bed in a strop.

I don't know if I should sleep in the spare room. We've been wobbly recently, and sleeping in the other room might become more significant than intended. At the same time, he really hurt me and I don't want to share the bed with him.

He hurt me and I hurt him. I was wrong to bite him, but I thought it was a game until he applied so much pressure to my neck.

Am I over reacting to a situation that got out of hand? Is it worth wobbling us all over again over something he's said sorry for (he apologised if he'd bruised me, not that he applied such a large amount of pressure).

OP posts:

msrantsalot · 31/07/2012 02:05

Its a difficult one. One night in the spare room night let him know that his games can't go too far as to hurt you. I sure he didn't mean it but you have to be strong and let him know he went too far. Its a slippery slope. Me? I would tell him that i should sleep in the spare room, but its much comfier in here, you hurt me again and it wont be your hand I'm biting...see what he says

izzyizin · 31/07/2012 03:33

What game were you playing that required you to bite his hand, and why didn't you stop biting his hand when he first began to apply pressure to your neck instead of continuing to bite him?

He's got a bitemark on his hand and you've got bruises to your neck - and both of these injuries wouldn't have occurred if the two of you had behaved like adults.

I suggest you sleep in the spare room to give both you of some space to think about whether this relationship is viable, but it sounds to me that you'd be better off splitting up before one or the other of you ends up up with a serious injury, or worse.

Dprince · 31/07/2012 06:08

Thu if someone was biting my I would probably do the same as him.
I wouldn't sleep in the spare room. You were both out of order, but really, why were you biting his hand?
Maybe you should think about how your games hurt him as well as the other way round.

tallwivglasses · 31/07/2012 09:45

I fucking hate playfighting. Let's face it the bloke's usually stronger and unless he's reasonably mature the adrenalin can kick in and lines get blurry. I remember once playfighting with exH and it got to the point where he was pinning me down on the floor shouting 'Do you give in? Do you give in?' He wouldn't release me till I said 'yes.' Horrible.

You need to explain to him the power dynamics behind what he did and then as Izzy said, start behaving like adults. Hope things are okay for you this morning.

NikitasSidekick · 31/07/2012 09:57

dangerous game is playfighting. I was always a bit of a tomboy as a child so when I got with my first adult partner - thought nothing of having a bit of a rough and tumble. Then one day it went too far and turned into a domestion violence situation.

Never learnt my lesson. years later, another partner liked a bit of playfighting - I'd give as much back - wasn't long before the "wrestling" turned into punching.

Most I do now is an arm wrestle

But yeah, most blokes get carried away with playfighting and someone (usually the woman) gets hurt.

If someone bit me, I'd physically try to stop them though.

pictish · 31/07/2012 10:01

A playfight with my dh years ago as youngsters, once ended up with me having a fractured sternum. He was struggling to free himself from my 'tackle' and put weight on my chest to get up. The pain was unbelievable and it took a couple of months to heal.
We never play fought after that.

Houseofplain · 31/07/2012 10:07

My husband regularly bites me for long periods of time, but he calls this play fighting? Can you imagine if you wrote that?

What he did was wrong. But I'm just imagining the sensation of someone biting me and it hurts. I'd probably lash out to.

So is the first time he's hurt you back in all the times you've been biting him?

ImperialBlether · 31/07/2012 10:31

Houseofplain:

Where does she say she's bitten him for long periods of time? Where does she says she's done it more than once?

CogitoErgOlympics · 31/07/2012 10:35

You both need to grow up.

GiserableMitt · 31/07/2012 10:35

Possibly where the OP said she's bitten his hand before? It's not very clear though.

solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2012 10:36

Biting is actually quite a dangerous thing to do, as the human mouth is very dirty and human bites, if they break the skin, tend to become infected.
What's the history, OP? DO you playfight a lot? Do you generally get on well?

Playfighting is very often the start of DV, unfortunately, men who like it are usually looking for an excuse to prove their superior physical strength and keep their partners 'in their place'.

Ormiriathomimus · 31/07/2012 10:38

Did he actually say 'Stop!' ? before he started gripping your neck?

CogitoErgOlympics · 31/07/2012 10:39

"Playfighting is very often the start of DV"

And a 'biting' woman is abusive, I'd say...

needsomesunshine · 31/07/2012 10:39

That should read 'I hurt him, he hurt me' but I suspect you knew the reaction would be different if you wrote that you started it.

Houseofplain · 31/07/2012 10:41

Te very first sentence. I bit my dps hand before

She continued to bite him whilst he was applying force to try and get her off....

So it's either very badly written or that's what it says.

Either way she bit him first. It's not ok, because she says it was meant to be a joke. He applied pressure to get her off as by the sounds of it, she was digging in like a rabid dog. I'd have done the same if someone was biting me to that extent.

There is a reason most people dont play fight beyond, say 10.

QuintessentialShadows · 31/07/2012 10:41

OP, you need to grow up, and think about why you need to playfight with your partner. Playfighting is never a good idea, whether you are 6 or 60, it always get out of hand the moment one party think that the other is applying too much force. You need to realize this. You bit him, and you did not stop. Sounds like you both want to be violent to each-other, and you need to think long and hard whether the two of you really should be together.

CogitoErgOlympics · 31/07/2012 10:44

Still trying to work out why the adult response to 'we've been a bit wobbly recently' was to 'jokingly' sink your teeth into his hand. Did you think that would be an endearing gesture?

HellonHeels · 31/07/2012 10:57

Oh dear. Why on earth were you biting his hand? If someone bit my hand I'd have no hesitation in lashing out hard to make them stop. Biting really hurts and a pain like that can easily make someone behave less than rationally.

I don't understand this 'playfighting' concept at all. To me it sounds like a means of disguising the fact that you are actually carrying out an assault. I'd be thinking about why you felt the need to physically attack your partner. Not to excuse your partner's violence which is also serious but from your description he was not actually able to walk away from the situation if he had wanted to.

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