Red flag?

[toptramp]

Hi there. Ive met a man online and I phoned him for a chat yesterday. During our first ever chat he mentioned that his marriege was a car crash and that his ex has taken him to court in order to stop him from taking the kids on holiday abroad with him. It sounds messy and he comes across as bitter. It's not worth it is it? On the other hand he comes across as a doting dad. We do have diffrent ideas concerning parenting though.

Walk

Run!

run very fast

Gallop!

I'm off girls!

He was also trying to tell me not to move to the city as I have planned because of the bad schools and that he is wrapping his girls up in cotton wool to keep them innocent. [boak]

I wouldn't date a man who mentioned those things in the first conversation you have ever had.

I met my ex-DH when he was in a similar situation and it affected everything, and made our 15 year relationship a real struggle.

I would pass.

Woman-hating arsehole, move along quickly.

Another one for the trash bin...

What is amazing is how many of my friends are telling me to keep talking to him just in case; mind you most of them are dating bastards. People really do settle for less than they should don't they? Not me any more.

I like you, toptramp :)

It has taken some practice for me to get to this stage though!

I do think MN is uniquely brilliant at spotting arseholes.

I have a friend who has just started dating a man who:

• is FULL on after a month - holidays, flowers, helping around the house, 'in love', always phoning to check up- where she is-- with messages of love

- has an abusive history - anal rape, violence (unfortunately I actually know this)

• a serious drug habit up until 18 months ago
• is racist, homophobic, obviously sexist.

- a 10 year old boy who I have heard say "pussy" "cunt" "fuck" "bastard" in the space of half an hour

• a 'psycho' ex

But apparently he is "funny, makes me laugh. And he's changed"

I wish everyone was on MN. I just looked like a paranoid freak when I mentioned that perhaps she could do better and I am worried. Makes me so upset.

The way he treats, or says he treats , the kids is the script; the way he treats his ex is the truth.
Run and hop, skip, and/or jump away.
...and here's a Gold Medal for excellence in Bastard Dumping.

What everyone else has said - hurrah for MumsNet, frankly

"ex has taken him to court in order to stop him from taking the kids on holiday abroad with him."

I bet the ex has an interesting story to tell.

Can I offer a male perspective on this?

When I met my DP, I was very recently out of long marriage. Difficult ex; I am a doting dad. This stuff was all very present for me. Obviously I did not mention how close (it was obviously recent) to my new DP when we met. I think it may have been the third date before it came up at all. DP was able to trust that it actually was difficult ex not me because her ex is very similar to mine, so she understands what has gone on / is going on. (Hers is a long time ago.)

He may be as some posters have said (the kids are his script, the ex is the truth) or he may not be. But if he is mentioning it in the first chat, he is a complete mess and not ready for a new relationship.

What I would do is be gentle and honest, say you think he seems too close to it, and if you are still / again single in a few motnhs time, email him again and see how he's getting on. He might also be single then, and he might be in a different place.

For what it is worth, I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who wants to wrap the kids in cotton wool.

Good luck.