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Original poster

How old were your DC before they stayed alone with GPs?

51 replies

IfImHonest · 30/07/2012 16:28

I love my MIL, I really do. But since my DS was born (he's 4.5) she has been going on, and on, and on, about him staying at her house by himself. My PIL live 2.5 hours away, so it would mean driving up and leaving him there, and then coming back and picking him up - 10 hours in total.
But honestly, it's not that. In my heart, i think - NO NO NO. He's only 4.5, only a baby really , and although he's very close to my MIL I think he'd really miss us. I'd worry.
So AIBU? How old were your DCs when they first started staying alone at the GPs??

OP posts:

msbuggywinkle · 30/07/2012 16:56

Well, DD1 stayed at my friend's house aged 4.5, GP's don't want them! Before that though, I couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't have a meltdown and need to be brought home at 3am!

roughtyping · 30/07/2012 17:02

About 4 weeks? We lived in the same house as my parents though. DS stays at my parents a couple of times a week, I'm v lucky (and they're young and love having him).

DuelingFanjo · 30/07/2012 17:05

my son started staying with my mum all day around 8 months in preparation for the day he would be there while I work. He's never stayed overnight (He is 19 months now) but that's more because he still feeds to sleep and wakes several times so it wouldn't be fair on him or my mum.

She picks him up at about half 8 and I collect him around 10 hours later. He loves it.

booksandchoc · 30/07/2012 17:07

Dd stayed with my MIL when she was 5 weeks old. We stay in the same street though so I could be there in 2 mins if something was wrong. She stayed with my mum at 3 weeks

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 30/07/2012 17:15

7 months with my parents, but she hasn't yet stayed over at my IL's yet. We are in a similar position to you OP in that they live about 1hr 45 away so when we go to see them, we go altogether. And plus, ILs are not that interested in DD as they have 3 GS who live on their door step .

Showmethemhappyfeet · 30/07/2012 17:16

At MILs about 3 months, would have been earlier only for breast feeding. At my parents she was 15 months but that's only cos we live away and when we go home we go together. I went on nights out with friends/DP when she was 2 weeks old and left my DM to put her to bed.

McKayz · 30/07/2012 17:17

Both boys were about 1. They are 5 and 3 now and love going to sleepover at Nannie and Grandads.

StateofConfusion · 30/07/2012 17:17

With My mum, 6mnths and 13mnths. With the ils never, and it will stay that way.

UC · 30/07/2012 17:20

a few months old. DS1 stayed with them for 10 days at 18 months while we went on holiday. TBH, if you trust your ILs, I do think you are being a little precious. He'll start school in September if he's 4.5 surely? Wouldn't you like a night alone with your DH?

catsrus · 30/07/2012 17:21

never at my parents, around 18 months at inlaws. (now ex) MIL is the world's best grandma worth being married to her son for the quality of the offspring and the grandparents .

PigeonPie · 30/07/2012 17:22

Finally got around to my parents having the DSs (6 and 4) to stay last weekend! We met half way at a service station and then followed them down a couple of days later. Everyone seemed to cope - including DS1 who was nervous about going!

However I think it very unlikely that they will stay with PILs as they just live too far away and wouldn't be prepared to travel even half way to collect them.

SandStorm · 30/07/2012 17:24

Mine stayed over as soon as they were sleeping through the night, so about 3/4 months old.

Aftereightsaremine · 30/07/2012 17:24

Dd1 at 2 months, luckily she would happily take bmilk in a bottle. Dd2 from 3 weeks - the same with her. Both dds have their own bedroom at my parents. Pils they hardly ever stay as mil not well & blind so she doesn't want to chance it.

I remember staying with my gps in summer hols & loving it, the benefits to the 2 generations is priceless.

aliportico · 30/07/2012 17:32

At my parents: dd1 was 2.1, dd2 about the same I guess, when my parents lived 50 miles from us. Ds was about 18 months and still bfing to sleep at home, but by this point we lived about 3 miles from them, and he went through a phase where if he saw my mum he would have to go with her, and if we were at hers he would refuse to come home with me! Dd3 was probably a little older - think we went away when she was 2.3 and my mum had all the kids.

In laws, they were all about 4 or 5.

MrsJohnDeere · 30/07/2012 17:32

Mine (4 and 6) never have. All grandparents are too old to cope with them.

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 30/07/2012 18:24

Thats true Cogito - I was thinking that it might help OP to be able to leave her son completely the next time!
(Have to admit we don't have kids yet and are TTC but we have already talked about little one spending time with GP's so that we can have some time together but who knows what we i will be like when a little one arrives and will I become v PFB!)

DowagersHump · 30/07/2012 18:27

He's been staying with them since he was about 2 iirc - I'm a single parent who occasionally has to stay overnight for business so we just deal with it.

It's a bit of a luxury to get so hand-wringing about the whole thing IMO

supersurf · 30/07/2012 18:27

DS was 4 weeks. He's stayed overnight for holidays sometimes and used to regularly stay one night a week when he was a toddler. I was a single parent then and it meant I could still have a social life, chance to travel, date etc.

The driving back and forth sounds like a hassle. My parents used to live several hours away and we used to both stay at my parents overnight, it wouldn't have made much sense to me to travel down just to drop off and collect. Sometimes they'd still babysit though while I went out (they lived in London so it was useful to have reliable babysitters and a bed for the night when I wanted to go out down there).

DowagersHump · 30/07/2012 18:28

Oh and my parents are currently 78 and 80, DS is now 5.

memphis83 · 30/07/2012 18:49

Ds was 6 weeks at my mums, never at my dads, he has bee to ill to have him overnight.
Never to either IL's FIL cant cope with him or keep up with him and MIL won't have him as her husband is a big drinker.

FairyPenguin · 30/07/2012 18:57

DD was 4.5 and DS was 2 when they stayed at my in-laws' for one night. They have never stayed at my parents'.

However, both sets of grandparents have stayed at ours and babysat at least 8 times in total, while we've gone away for 1 or 2 nights (weddings, birthdays, cheeky long weekend away). First time for DD, she was 11 months, first time for DS was 8 months. Feel much happier leaving them when they are in our childproofed home, with their toys and their own beds.

otchayaniye · 30/07/2012 19:29

my DD1 is doing this right now properly for the first time. she's almost 4. MIL lives in the countryside about 2-3 hours from us and has a sick husband to care for, so i only went for it when daughter nagged me enough and when she wasn't bfeeding to sleep. we did a practice run at christmas when we stayed close by. she loved it so we thought she could do two nights. with a 11 month old and school holidays and some illness for me it's felt a bit intense (i've had a few moments of stress and losing my temper) so i think it will be excellent for her to run around a huge garden and paddock naked and have 'firm but fair' grandma take her for walks. she really loves her grandma and sees her twice a month so we felt comfortable leaving her (notwithstanding enormous dogs and poorly grandpa). she's not a good driver so she'll have to come back by taxi or we'll get her.

she did have a night apart from me when i had a planned section for Dd2 with my mother looking after her. she was fine but i missed her and it felt so odd

i bfed dd1 for ages (and tandemed a bit) and co-slept as it fitted in with our lives, but yes, that made the thought of overnight stays difficult. i didn't want others to have to deal with the upset. but with dd2 i'm more relaxed and if she wakes with either grandma/friends babysitting she can be dandled/given snacks and water until we get back without going ballistic for boob. dd1 wasn't so easygoing at that stage so babysitting felt like a burden to set up. helps we live in communal friendly building so had good social life without having to get babysitters.

you know your child, but if he's asking, maybe take notice. if he misses you, he'll be still ok and it's prt of making his first independent steps in a safe environment.

50shadesofstress · 30/07/2012 19:55

4 months for DS1 probably the same if not younger for DS2 (only 1 night at first), I was desperate for sleep and was recommended to do so by HV as was verging on depression.

They have their own rooms at my mums and love staying there. I stayed at my GPs twice a week from when I was little right through till I was about 13 or 14 and adored staying there.

My boys have stayed with my mum and dad for a week whilst we were on our honeymoon (they were in the next hotel and we bumped into them most days).

You are being a bit PFB as he is not a baby he is 4 yrs old but YANBU as you have to feel comfortable about it.

tittytittyhanghang · 30/07/2012 20:02

DC1 6 weeks with my mum and at 8 months mil took him away on holiday for a week
dc2 3 months

Ragwort · 30/07/2012 20:08

Due to travel logistics my DS has never stayed with my parents, he would love to and they would love to have him but it is such a long distance that it would hardly be worth it. But my DM babysat when he was ten days old so DH and I could go out (she was staying with us) and both my parents came and stayed a weekend with us when DS was 3 and DH and I went away for two nights. I don't have in-laws. I stayed with my own GPs when I was 2 for 3 days a week when my DM (widow) worked, it was fabulous and I grew up to have a great relationship with them.

Serious question which no one ever answers on MN but if mums are so precious about your DC staying away how will they cope when there is a real emergency (ie: mum is rushed into hospital or worse?)

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