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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Dont want to do this anymore

21 replies

eralch · 30/07/2012 14:14

All I seem to do is keep having a go at him.
He doesnt take responisbility for ANYTHING.
6 weeks ago I was arrested because HE was shop lifting when me and little man were with him. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS DOING IT!!!!
Thankfully, the bench were kind and I was let off with a servere telling off. I still have a criminal record tho!!! Ive never broken the law (apart from speeding occasionally to get to somewhere because he forgot)
He got sacked from his job for telling his boss he wouldnt be in because we were at hospital with the baby as he had meningitus. BLATANT LIE?!?! LITTLE MAN HAS NEVER BEEN ILL!!!
He wouldnt leave me alone when I was upset. I dont know why I smashed my head on the bathroom shelf but I just did. I ended up with a concussion. I HAD TO CALL THE POLICE TO GET HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE. They came out and called the paramedics out. Night spent in hospital.
All the while he refused to put the baby down. He wouldnt even let me hold him. HIS OWN MOTHER!!!
I was diagnosed with depression before I found out I was pregnant.
Birth was terrible. HE KEPT TAKING OVER.
Made me come home even tho I had an infection from bleeding out.
He knows if I am left alone with the baby I will leave him.
Because of this he refuses to find a job. When he goes out he takes little man with him.
He would never hurt me physically but he is torturing me mentally.
Its the usual thing, when everything is fine he is lovely.
You will all say "leave him!"
I refuse to go with out my boy and since his dad refuses to let him out of his sight it wont happen.
Social services arn't happy.
Health visitor isnt happy.
My family hate him and what he is doing to me.
I know I can take an injunction out while I am still living with him. It will only make things worse. "If anyone tries to take little off us we wont be in this country" is the reply i get when I tell him what child services say.
He has no job, no money and doesnt take care of the house.
Baby is 4 months old. Ive been offered my job back but why should I be forced to miss out on baby's development? I am on maternity leave until January. My boss knows my situation and is being VERY understanding.
He bought himself a new 3d tv last month. This month he bought the 3d bluray player. He spent over £300 on a fish tank for babys room. Nice gesture, he already killed 4 fish because I forget to feed them and he cant be bothered.
Everything in the house is HIS not ours.
My car is HIS not mine.
The house is rented, he blames me for having to sell his house because I couldn't afford his mortgage!
Its my birthday soon, he bought me a £500 ring. GET A JOB!!! DO SOMETHING ROUND THE HOUSE!!! MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!!! I DONT NEED A BLOODY RING!!!
I have an engagement ring im not allowed to wear, so why should I tell people we are engaged?
I hate him.
He wants me to respect HIS stuff. I BLOODY CLEAN IT EVERYDAY!!! HOW MUCH MORE RESPECTFUL CAN I GET!!!
Ive been feeling ill for the last few days.
Still no help around the house.
Sorry for the rant but I need to get it out.

OP posts:
lollipoppi · 30/07/2012 14:53

Wowzers!! You are having a rough time at the mo, I'm sorry I don't have much advise but didn't want to read and run!
I think you would be better off posting this in relationships
X

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 30/07/2012 15:03

Next time he goes out, call Women's Aid who can give you appropriate support and advise. There is a way out of this.

KathleteMumsnet · 30/07/2012 15:13

Hi, we've moved this to Relationships. Hope you find the advice and support you need Thanks

Olympia2012 · 30/07/2012 15:19

How come he is jobless with no money but he is buying all this stuff?

I second calling women's aid.... Get the HV and SS on board too

newmum001 · 30/07/2012 15:27

Can you not get a family member or the police round while you and the baby move out? I have no idea how you would go about getting away from him but i really hope you find a way.

JUbilympiX · 30/07/2012 17:35

Women's Aid used to have big strong blokes who could come round and get your stuff,Mack it into a van and get you and your children out of the house. Usually, their presence was enough to keep the abusive husband quiet until you were all safely away. I know a guy who used to do it (stopped some years ago as he got ill and never recovered fully, poor chap).

Next time he goes out call WA. I'm sure they can organize something.

You could call the police. They at least could make sure that you leave with baby and a bag. Most forces have a dv unit. Whether he's physically violent or not, what he is doing is abusive and these days counts as dv. Threatening, intimidating.

You really need to get out of the situation, and you need to get your boy out too. Call for rl help as soon as you can. Good luck; keep posting.

eralch · 01/08/2012 20:15

well im still here, been pretty hard to get my laptop without questions.

I am in contact with womens aid and social services also health visitor is aware of the situation.

I am going to call NDVA for an emergency injumction as soon as he goes out tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

OP posts:
JUbilympiX · 01/08/2012 22:34

Good luck, eralch. You've done well, so far. Be careful. Try to find all important documents (financial, official) and put them in a safe place where you can just grab them if you need to get out in a hurry (or copies if he'll notice that originals aren't around).

Most important is to get hold of NDVA and WA though. Make that the first thing you do tomorrow.

molepom · 02/08/2012 07:10

Bloody Hell...

eralch · 05/08/2012 16:36

called for an injunction.
calling me bac tomorrow at the childrens centre.
have copies of all the important things.
going tomorrow and not coming back, he is out all day

OP posts:
SoleSource · 05/08/2012 16:52

Make sure you delete all evidence of upur internet use your mn password via cookies. Will you have baby tomorrow?

JUbilympiX · 06/08/2012 17:45

Can you take the laptop with you? (or is that a naughty suggestion?!)
Good luck for tomorrow.

eralch · 11/08/2012 21:57

well what a week!?
me and baby have been shopping, out walking and visited family!
we are out and havnt been back.
Cancelled all the house utilities
got baby his passport
refuge is a dump, full or roaches and mice but we ae free!!!!

OP posts:
Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 11/08/2012 22:29

Wow, that's a hell of a week! Glad you're free eralch, hope you and baby are doing ok xxx

something2say · 11/08/2012 22:51

Well done. xx
DV work in action ladies and gentlemen.
Get the professionals to help!

JUbilympiX · 11/08/2012 23:26

Oh eralch! Well done, well done, well done.

OK, so the refuge is a dump, but you you won't be there for long, and you can get so much support there, and they should help you sort out benefit claims, what you're entitled to, solicitor, everything you need in order to get on your feet and start the life you want to live! I'm so delighted! Well done (again!).

solidgoldbrass · 11/08/2012 23:33

Well done you! The future's bright, you're away from this arsehole and you have the law and WA (and the collective good wishes of MN) on your side to keep you free.

MadameOvary · 11/08/2012 23:35

Well done!. Please keep posting here. You'll find lots of support.

eralch · 12/08/2012 08:24

thank you all so much!
the police are comin to see me tonight as there are mystery payments leaving my account (probably the ex)
at the end of the day he's taking food away from his child and my solicitor has said he doesnt have a leg to stand on.
this would be the 2nd time he will be done from fraud and theft which means prison for him. maybe there he will get the help he needs as he obvs isnt righ in the head.
we are off to the zoo today!

i cant believe how chilled out lucas is he sleeps through the night now and is so happy, i cant believe anyone woulld make their child feel bad and its made me see that i can never go back as he would not like it.
thank you all so much
i will keep you posted if and when it goes to court
xxx

OP posts:
MadameOvary · 12/08/2012 11:30

Fantastic to see you doing so well Smile
Can you withdraw funds and start your own account so he doesn't have access?

JUbilympiX · 12/08/2012 12:54

From the mouths of babes..... to paraphrase. Do keep posting whenever you need to. Very proud of you!

Stay strong, good luck.

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