Alopecia and New Relationships Advice Please...

[NoHairNameChanger]

I am re-entering the world of dating and relationships after 20 years of being in a married relationship.

I have alopecia areata, (i.e. large areas of baldness). As a result I have chosen to shave my head and wear a wig.

I am a little unsure how and when to tell the men that I date about my alopecia. I don't always want to go into a long Q&A early on.

[My hair/wig looks really normal not at all 'wiggy' as I have been wearing a wig for many years I know how to achieve a natural look, so if I don't tell someone, they really don't know or notice.]

But this is making me feel a little anxious when getting close/initimate.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this problem?

bump

Excuse my ignorance but do you have to remove your wig when you go to sleep or is there a possibility of it shifting slightly if your hair is stroked etc? If not, I don't see why you need to be in any rush to tell a date until you feel fully comfortable with them (not that I'm suggesting you'd be spending the night with someone you didn't feel comfortable with!)

I wouldn't bother saying anything to someone who I'd just been on a few dates with as it's not really any of their business tbh. I'd say if I met someone I really liked who I thought had potential.

I think the best option is to tell them after getting to kissing stage (once YOU know you want to go further, but not too hurtful to end it if he has issue with this).

that's assuming you don't seriously kiss on first couple of dates.

Fafftastic thank you so much for your reply.

There is a possibility of it shifting slightly if my hair is stroked, it is this that makes me feel anxious, as many men like to play with hair during kissing and foreplay.

Thanks for your replies.

Dating has changed since last time round and alopecia has increased my anxiety.

yeah nobody's business until you're really into them
agree wait til it's someone you really like and I think by then you'll have a gut instinct about how they might react and if they're a tosser you'll probably not get so far as to tell them

i had massive facial hair problems when i was dating...it was shit and embarrassing but it was a good test of character-theirs and mine

like any personal information it is up to you to share when you feel ready. If you know you are liking this person straight away or even after a few dates you will know when (ekidna mentions gut instinct)...also the physical closeness...ie would you expect man to stroke your hair on first date and men usually touch hair as they kiss.

I really admire your confidence to get out there and date. My confidence was really knocked by the end of my (very) long relationship, and I shut myself away from everybody. I love your attitude to not let this stop you living your life. I think, at the time it becomes clear that a relationship is not going to stay in the friend-zone, but has romantic feelings attached I would tell him. You don't want to put yourself under the pressure of a 'kissing situation' where you feel awkward and can't relax, and you need to know if he's a man of substance and see how he reacts. Good luck!

Thanks women, I am going forward, looking forward and don't want to waste anymore time.

Gut instinct and courage needed I think..

NHNC, it's great that you are taking this step. I think with anything I was sensitive about I would prefer to say something before the man discovered it for himself in a more intimate moment. Just because I might be more hurt if he weirded out in the moment rather than before. On the plus side, your wig probably looks great all the time unlike real hair which looks worse as we age. I bet there's loads of men that wouldn't give a hoot about it being a wig. 99% of the time (or less if you're lucky) they'll be looking at a hot chick with great hair. Good luck out there!