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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

feeling on my own in my marriage

9 replies

cathcat · 07/03/2006 11:50

Just want to moan about feeling like a single mum in my marriage. Dh works long hours including 6 nights a week and weekends and can be called away at any time. have 2 boys (nearly 3 and 6 months) I am going back to work soon part-time - will be glad for the company but sad to feel like this about leaving my kids. DH and i are also useless at actually doing anything together when he does have time off - my mum doesn't seem keen to babysit now I have two kids. started to really resent the weekends when other families have time together and I am on my own. Also no sex but perhaps thats a different thread!
Any thoughts/advice? thanks x

OP posts:

compo · 07/03/2006 11:52

Have you spoken to dh about it? Could he reduce hours at weekends now you're going back to work?

crazydazy · 07/03/2006 11:54

Not surprised you feel so fed up, you seem like you are doing all the parenting and your partner just works!!!! I would talk to him without a doubt, tell him you want spend time together as a family.

Its the one thing I have always insisted on but luckily for me DP feels the same. I really couldn't do it on my own.

Have the same problem with lack of babysitters, my sister has 1 child and my Mum can cope with her but not my 2 because "they fight". God knows how she brought me and my 2 sisters up.

I do feel for you though Cathcat.

Original poster

cathcat · 07/03/2006 11:55

No it is his business and it is very demanding. He has to do his shifts plus others for people off sick or on holiday.

OP posts:

Original poster

cathcat · 07/03/2006 11:57

thanks crazydazy. I feel like thank god for my friends to keep me sane. Also sad for lack of sleep - just having a bad day!

OP posts:

mckenzie · 07/03/2006 12:10

this probably isn't going to be much help to you but I am in the same boat. DH has his own business and works all sorts of daft hours. Travels quite a bit too and works at home when he is here.
But funnily enough, he does find the time to go to Spurs (season ticket holder) and this morning he flew out to Barcelona for 2 days to watch some "really big and important" spanish football game.
Thank goodness my DM is a very hands-on grandma and MIL is pretty good too.

Original poster

cathcat · 07/03/2006 12:14

Wow mckenzie, I hope you get something in return for him going away like this. At least my DH is not here because he is at work. i suppose that is why I can't talk to him about it. It feels ungrateful to moan about his long hours because he would just say he is doing it for us.

OP posts:

crazydazy · 07/03/2006 12:26

Oooh McKenzie, my DP is a Spurs fan too!!! Strange because we are from Leeds but he has loved them since he was a small boy.

Sorry about change of thread, I'm not surprised you are feeling so down bringing children up is the hardest job anyone could ever do, its just a shame men don't appreciate it. I bet he gets plenty of sleep whilst he works away. Some men have got it so easy.

acnebride · 07/03/2006 12:27

weekends on your own can be hideous. when dh is ill i end up feeling 'thank God it's Monday' when there are people around and I feel like a human being again.

Therefore, you could try asking around a little bit at any parenty stuff you go to - see if there are other 'weekend widows/widowers' out there who would appreciate meeting up. Not ideal but life isn't.

We have a babysitting circle locally - works on tiddlywinks as tokens - it is a godsend - if your 6month old is at all reliable at sleeping during the evening then maybe worth joining one or starting one? there are other threads on different ways of doing this. NB if you set up an evening out and your dh has to cancel, go anyway and see a movie or relax on your own. Keep the goal of time together as a family or time off while he does his parenting share in mind, but a bit of time to yourself could reduce the resentment you feel and could help your marriage.

sorry if all this sounds bossy, it's not meant to.

mckenzie · 07/03/2006 16:49

not bossy at all acnebride. quite sensible I think. I'm about to book some dates with friends etc tonight and will definitely include a daytime couple of hours as I cannot remember the last time DH had the 2 children by himself, even for 30 mins, in the last year (DS is 4 and DD just 1). I think it might do him to see just quite what hard work it can be (very rewarding though of course but it really is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week isnt it?

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