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Original poster

Sexual relations in your 60s+ is it still 1)Happening 2)Fulfilling?

49 replies

Challen · 29/07/2012 18:10

I don't know if it's too impertinent to ask online, or indeed if anyone will be brave enough to respond...

I am 43 and not currently in a relationship, but have always been curious if couples sustain a happy and healthy sexual relationship past menopause and way in to their 60s/70s/80s (are there any people in that age group on Mumsnet?) I ask as in my previous relationship, I was frequently given the ice cold shoulder deliberately in this area and feel I have really missed out on a lot! I am just wondering as I love this physical expression in a relationship, and if I have a few more decades yet to look forward to! Assuming I find a man.

OP posts:

mrscynical · 30/07/2012 07:10

I agree with Hesterton.

I assume that those who find 'old' sex repulsive will be telling their partners that sex will be off the menu after the age of 50, 60 or 70. How depressing.

Is intimacy only for the young? I must be doing something wrong

IslaMann · 30/07/2012 07:17

I heard a great quote at an intimacy in dementia seminar the other day
"a person has lived with their sexuality for far longer than their dementia"
Intimacy is very important when you get older, whether expressed as intercourse, cuddles, or simply holding hands.
I plan to still be at it like rabbits with my DP when we're OAPs!

WaitingForMe · 30/07/2012 07:26

My grandad was single for a while before getting together with his "friend." I can only I can only imagine it's for the sex as she's pretty vile. Good on him I say, we worry far less about him than if he was by himself all the time.

Fortunately he only shares details with my brother which makes me very

exoticfruits · 30/07/2012 07:47

I think it very sad that it should make anyone want to vomit- even if you don't like them. I can't see why age makes any difference and I don't see any reason why it should stop if you have 2 healthy people. Speaking as an older person it is much easier when you get the house to yourself! ( if it makes people want to vomit that is their problem)

OhEmGee24 · 30/07/2012 09:10

I just asked my boyfriend about this (he's early 30s) and his reply "there's something about grey pubes and wrinkles which makes me feel quite ill". Ha bless him

DinahMoHum · 30/07/2012 09:16

im pretty sure my mum and her partner still do, and all my aunts and uncles, and my dad and his girlfriend and theyre all in their 60s and 70s.

I remember my nana telling me she'd upset my aunt by telling her that she had slept with her boyfriend (she was late 70s/early 80s)

I hope I still am

oldwomaninashoe · 30/07/2012 09:26

Use it or lose it, just about sums it up DH and I are Hmm older and our sex life is only restricted by tireness due to long working days and by having adult children still living in our house!

Tressy · 30/07/2012 09:44

I intend to keep going as long as possible and if that means finding a younger partner when I'm in my 60's then so be it.

carrielou2007 · 30/07/2012 10:57

Once a week?? He'd be here every night of I gave him the green light!! I think if you are both happy with what you do then keep going for as long as you both want to and enjoy it!!!

MaloryMad · 30/07/2012 11:21

I'm not in my 60's yet, and I am single, but I've noticed a huge change in my sex drive over the last several years.
In my late teens to mid 40's I always had a high sex drive, could never get enough. Now I've got no sex drive at all. When I separated from exH a few years ago I couldn't wait to get out there and get shagged senseless as often as possible but when I was free to do it, I realised I didn't want to.
Not had sex for a few years now. The 40 y/o me would have found that quite unbelievable. But here I am, age 50 and I've got absolutely no desire to date anyone and even less desire for sex...(I do miss cuddles and kisses sometimes but I think that's just a desire for human touch, it's not about sex).

All of that said I do think lots of older couples continue to enjoy sex.

Tressy · 30/07/2012 11:39

Malory, it just be that you haven't met a guy who you really fancy for a while. I do think the older we get the more discerning we become about who we sleep with, which isn't a bad thing, if you can find someone.

Tressy · 30/07/2012 11:39

'might' just be

MaloryMad · 30/07/2012 12:11

Tressy I think you've hit the nail on the head. I haven't even noticed any guys I fancy for a long time never mind met any to go out with! Part of me would hate to think that sex is in the past for me, never to be enjoyed again.

Also now i've had time to read the rest of the thread, I think the 'use it or lose it' theory is spot on.

AnyFucker · 30/07/2012 12:48

Sex isn't only for the young and beautiful

In actual fact, many "young" people are not very beautiful at all < shrug >

PeterPanandWendy · 30/07/2012 15:10

It's a sign of youth that you need to ask at 43 whether oldies still do it!

Bit of an odd question - is it all theoretical or what?

I think you will get a whole range of answers- just as you would for anyone of any age. :)

Some older people are in ill health and can't manage to move at all. Some men have ED, some women are sore due to meno and won't be bothered to go and get it sorted at the drs.

Some couples just lose the spark.

On the other hand, some couples are still intimate later in life.

Why worry now? Face the issue when you are 70 or 80.

higgle · 30/07/2012 16:14

DH and I are 57 and 56 this year - we are both attractive and our sex life is great - much as it has been in the earlier years of our marriage. I can't see us stopping until we fall off our perches.

cuttingpicassostoenails · 30/07/2012 21:15

My 78 year old grandfather was known as "The Blackpool Ram".

thegreylady · 30/07/2012 21:22

I am 68 and love my dh [76] very very much.We havent had full sex for years. We do a lot of cuddling etc in bed and the no sex thing is mutual-not a decision -just hasnt happened.We do talk about it sometimes and neither is unwilling,it doesnt seem to matter.Dh had a heart attack about 10 years ago and he was nervous after that,then I got cancer about 6 years ago and my remaining libido vanished.We don't need to make love-we have so much of it already :)

ANewDoll · 03/08/2012 11:46

Yes! Yes! Yes!

(Age 59 3/4)

somebloke123 · 03/08/2012 16:44

I'm sure I read quite recently that there has been a marked increase in sexually transmitted diseases among older people (aged over 50 I think).

fiventhree · 03/08/2012 18:10

But AF, how do you get the teenagers out of the house??

ohdobuckup · 03/08/2012 19:59

I know a couple of older women who have started a sex life after years of no/minimal sex . 58 yr old friend, single mum, no sex for about fifteen years, has started seeing a 51 yr old man, doing it three or four times a week.

Another chum, 61, now having sex with guy in late forties after 8 yrs no sex, had her first orgasm in twenty years with him.

flatbellyfella · 03/08/2012 20:56

If it was part of the Olympics ,I would try for Gold at 65.

NeverKnowinglyAbleToFlickFlack · 03/08/2012 21:05

my M&D are very much still at it
MiL & FiL haven't done it since DH was a child.
I always find it quite sad they have very much come to an accomodation with their relationship and don't spend that much time together at all.

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